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Speaking of LDS gatherings, can we talk about the miracle of the multiplying Jell-O salads at every potluck? I swear, you bring one Jell-O salad, and it's like the loaves and fishes up in here. Suddenly, it's replicated into twenty different colors and flavors. "Oh, Sister Thompson brought lime? And Sister Jenkins brought cherry? It's a Jell-O extravaganza!" And just when you think it's over, Brother Miller walks in with a pineapple surprise. I'm convinced that if we ever have a shortage, we could just pray over it, and voila, Jell-O for days!
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Ever noticed how ties seem to have a mind of their own at church? Brothers walk in, looking all sharp with their ties neatly knotted. But by the end of the third hour, it's like a magic trick. Now you see it, now you don't! It's either hanging by a thread, serving as a makeshift napkin for the sacrament, or it's mysteriously vanished altogether. I swear, there's a tie Bermuda Triangle in every chapel. "Hey, Brother Davis, you came in with a red tie, but now you're rocking that shirt-and-vest combo!" And if you're lucky, you might just spot it on a kid playing hide-and-seek in the cultural hall. Ties, man, they're like the chameleons of church attire!
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You ever notice how those LDS talks can sometimes sound like they're gearing up for a rap battle? Brother Johnson gets up there, "In the name of Jesus Christ, I'd like to bear my testimony..." I'm just waiting for someone in the congregation to drop a beat. "Yo, yo, yo, I've been praying all day, got blessings on my way, Satan, get behind, 'cause with Jesus, I'm just fine!" I mean, can you imagine a church rap battle? "Brother Smith, I'll let you finish, but my testimony is the illest!" Amen!
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Let's talk about sacrament meeting, shall we? It's like the real-life version of the Hunger Games. You walk in, hoping to get a front-row seat, but by the time you get there, it's packed! And those benches? More like musical chairs, but with scriptures. "Is that the Doctrine and Covenants or the Book of Mormon?" And let's not even get started on the bread and water. It's like, "May the odds be ever in your flavor!" You snag a piece of bread, hoping it's not the end piece, and a tiny sip of water, praying it's cold. And if you survive all three hours? You're basically a sacrament meeting champion!
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