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Joke Types
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Why was the lds talk like a marathon? It had a long 'sermon' of endurance!
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Why did the lds talk about unity bring everyone together? It had the 'sermon-izing' effect!
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Why did the lds speaker bring a fan to the podium? To create a 'holy breeze' during the talk!
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Why did the lds speaker bring a ladder to the podium? To reach the higher spiritual levels!
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Why was the lds talk so enlightening? Because it had a lot of 'sermon' power!
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Why was the lds talk like a flight? It had a lot of 'spiritual turbulence'!
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Why did the lds talk about kindness win an award? It had the most 'sermon-ious' impact!
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I heard the best lds talk on forgiveness. It was 'sermon-strating' the true power of letting go!
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Why was the lds talk like a library? It had a lot of 'chapter' and 'verse'!
Sacrament Meeting: The Hunger Games Edition
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Ever notice how fast the sacrament bread passes in Mormon meetings? It's like they're in a race against time, and if you don't grab a piece within 0.5 seconds, you're branded as the guy who ruined the flow of the spirit. It's like holy Hunger Games, but with carbs.
Elders Quorum: The Original Support Group
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Elders Quorum is like a spiritual support group for dads. It's where they gather to discuss the important issues, like how to fix a leaky faucet, the best dad jokes, and the eternal struggle of finding the remote control in a house full of kids.
The Mormon Whisperer
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LDS talks are like a secret competition to see who can whisper the loudest. It's like they're all trying to one-up each other with spiritual ASMR. And then, I heard a still, small voice say, 'Turn up the volume!'
Holy Homework
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LDS talks are like spiritual homework assignments. You're sitting there thinking, I hope there's no pop quiz on this later because I was doodling Joseph Smith riding a dinosaur instead of taking notes. It's like Sunday School, but with a divine grading curve.
Mormon Clapback
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LDS talks have a unique style of applause – the Mormon clap. It's like golf applause but with more enthusiasm. You'd think they're saving their energy for the afterlife. And in conclusion... [gentle golf clap]... amen!
Testimonies or TMI?
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Ever notice how fast people confess their deepest sins during testimony meetings? It's like spiritual speed dating, where you have 60 seconds to bare your soul and hope that someone in the congregation swipes right on forgiveness. Remember folks, there's a fine line between a testimony and a TMI-mony!
Mormon Prophets or Time Travelers?
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In LDS talks, they often mention prophets seeing the future. I'm starting to think these guys have a time machine hidden in the basement of the Salt Lake City Tabernacle. I mean, they predicted smartphones before Apple did! Next thing you know, they'll be announcing a new revelation about Wi-Fi in heaven.
Mormon Standup Secrets
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You ever notice how LDS talks are like the holy version of TED Talks? Instead of 'Ideas Worth Spreading,' it's more like 'Spiritual Insights Worth Napping Through.' I mean, even the most devout Mormons have mastered the art of pretending to take notes while mentally planning their grocery list.
The Mormon Netflix Special
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LDS talks are the original binge-watching experience. Three hours of talks, and you never know what genre you're going to get. It's like spiritual roulette. Will it be a tear-jerker testimony or a comedy routine about the struggles of wearing garments in the summer?
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