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Remember when school used to be about learning ABCs and 123s? Now, it's all about memes and emojis. My kid asked me for help with his homework, and I swear I needed a translator. I'm looking at his math problems, and there are more symbols than an ancient hieroglyphic scroll. I asked him, "Is this algebra or a secret message to decode?" And don't get me started on parent-teacher conferences. It's like a comedy roast where the teachers take turns telling you how your child is a unique blend of Einstein and a stand-up comedian. They say things like, "Your kid has a great sense of humor, just needs to channel it appropriately." Translation: "Your kid is the class clown, and we're trying to keep a straight face.
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Teenagers think they know everything. I asked my teenager for some life advice, and he goes, "Dad, life is like a Wi-Fi signal. Some days you have full bars, and some days you're just searching for a connection." I'm standing there, thinking, "Kid, I just wanted to know how to change a tire, not audition for 'America's Got Philosophers.'" And the fashion these days! I tried to be cool and asked my teenager for fashion tips. He looks at me and says, "Dad, fashion is about expressing yourself. Just look at Billie Eilish; she wears whatever she wants." So, the next day, I strolled into work wearing a neon green tracksuit, thinking I was expressing myself. My boss gave me a look that said, "Express yourself out of my office.
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Kids and their gadgets, I tell you. They can operate a smartphone before they can tie their shoes. I tried to show my kid some old-school technology - a cassette tape. He stared at it like I was holding an ancient relic. I said, "This, my friend, is how we used to make mixtapes. It's like the Spotify playlist of the '90s." He responded, "Wow, you had to work hard for your playlists back then." And then there's the constant battle for screen time. I tried to limit my kid's screen time, and he hit me with, "Dad, in your time, they probably limited how much sunlight you could get." Touche, kid, touche. Now I'm just waiting for him to ask if I rode dinosaurs to school.
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You ever notice how parenting has evolved? I mean, we've moved past the era of "yo mama" jokes. Now it's all about, "kids, not yo mama jokes." My kid hit me with one the other day. He goes, "Dad, you're so out of touch, you probably still remember when 'Google' was just a number!" I was like, "Okay, Mr. Tech Whiz, let me know when you figure out how to set the clock on the microwave." Seems like kids these days are born with an instruction manual that we, as parents, never received. They're talking about TikTok dances, and I'm over here still trying to perfect the Macarena. My parenting style is basically trial and error, mostly error. But hey, at least my kid knows how to meme me.
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