4 Jokes For Jimmy Savile

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 21 2024

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Jim'll Fix It" was supposed to make kids' dreams come true, but let's be honest, some of those wishes were just weird. I bet Jimmy Savile had a secret drawer full of bizarre requests he never aired.
Can you imagine the rejected wishes? "Dear Jim, please make me the world's youngest octogenarian" or "Jim, can you fix it so my goldfish becomes a shark?" I mean, what were these kids thinking?
And let's not forget the kids who asked for really mundane stuff like "I wish for a new pencil case." Really? That's your big dream? No wonder Jimmy had that cigar – he needed something to blow off steam after dealing with those requests.
You guys remember Jimmy Savile? Yeah, that guy had a fashion sense that was so unique, even fashion designers were scratching their heads. I mean, he wore these tracksuits all the time. Tracksuits! I haven't seen that much polyester since the '70s. It's like he walked out of a time machine from the disco era.
And those gold chains! I swear, he had more gold around his neck than Fort Knox. I was expecting him to break into a rap at any moment. "Yo, I'm Jimmy S, and I'm here to say, I got gold chains in a major way!"
I guess when you're a TV personality, you can get away with anything. Imagine if I showed up to work in a tracksuit and gold chains. They'd probably send me to HR faster than you can say, "What not to wear!
Let's talk about Jimmy Savile and his iconic cigar. That cigar was like his sidekick. I swear, he looked like the Bond villain of children's TV. Picture this: a smoke-filled room, a leather chair, and Jimmy Savile stroking his cigar, plotting his next episode of "Jim'll Fix It."
But here's the thing, did anyone ever see him actually smoke that thing? I think it was just for show. It was his version of a magic wand. Kids would make a wish, and he'd wave the cigar, and poof! Your wish is granted. That's a strange kind of fairy godfather, isn't it?
I can imagine him at the cigar store, asking for the most non-smokable cigars they had. "Yeah, I want the ones that look expensive but taste like disappointment.
So, Jimmy Savile was knighted. Sir Jimmy Savile. Doesn't that sound like a character straight out of a medieval sitcom? "Tonight on Sir Jimmy and the Round Table of Fixing It..."
But seriously, who thought it was a good idea to give this guy a knighthood? I can picture the Queen dubbing him with a sword, and he's there in his tracksuit, probably thinking, "I hope this doesn't mess up my gold chains."
I wonder if the Queen ever regretted that decision. Like, did she ever turn to Prince Philip and say, "You know, maybe we should have knighted Elton John instead. At least he knows how to rock a costume.

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