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Why did Jim Gaffigan become a detective? He wanted to solve the mystery of why chicken crossed the road – to get to the punchline!
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Why did Jim Gaffigan bring a magnifying glass to the comedy show? To find the 'small' print in the punchlines!
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Why did Jim Gaffigan bring a map to the comedy club? He heard the jokes were a bit 'directionless'!
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Why did Jim Gaffigan become a chef? Because he wanted to make everyone laugh out loud and 'pasta' good time!
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Why did Jim Gaffigan bring a ladder to the comedy club? He heard the jokes were on another level!
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Why did Jim Gaffigan start a gardening club? Because he wanted to grow his own 'corny' jokes!
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Why did Jim Gaffigan bring a pencil to the comedy show? In case he wanted to draw some laughs!
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Jim Gaffigan talks about the wonders of 'Hot Pockets.' I tried one, and now I know what he meant by 'wonders'—I wonder why I just ate that nuclear explosion wrapped in dough.
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Jim Gaffigan says, 'You ever try to butter a Pop-Tart? It’s impossible.' Well, Jim, I tried, and now my toaster is in therapy. It witnessed things it can never unsee.
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I tried Jim Gaffigan’s advice to 'never stop eating.' Now I’m stuck in a perpetual buffet line, and my family thinks I joined a food cult. Thanks, Jim, I've become the high priest of all-you-can-eat temples.
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Jim Gaffigan's take on parenting is gold. He says, 'You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.' Well, Jim, I’m still trying to figure out if I’m drowning or just doing an interpretative dance of a drowning person.
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Jim Gaffigan once said, 'I’m a vegetarian, but I love eating meat. And I’m not a hypocrite, I’m an American!' Well, Jim, I’m a morning person, but I love sleeping. Does that make me a nocturnal enthusiast or just lazy?
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I love Jim Gaffigan's bit about bacon. He says, 'I’m not sure how it’s possible, but bacon is the third leading cause of death.' Well, now I’m convinced bacon is auditioning for a role in Final Destination.
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Jim Gaffigan and I have a lot in common—we both know the struggles of trying to look sophisticated while eating a hot pocket.
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I told my friend I'm studying Jim Gaffigan's comedy for inspiration. They said, 'Oh, the guy who talks about food all the time?' I said, 'Yeah, except I'm focusing on the food in my fridge, trying to make it sound interesting.'
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Jim Gaffigan's comedy is so relatable. He talks about getting a hotel room with a view and then spending the entire time looking at the hotel. I did that once, and let me tell you, the wallpaper was fascinating.
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