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You ever been in an argument with your significant other, and they say, "I'll be back in a jiffy"? You know you're in trouble then. Because let me tell you, when someone says they'll be back in a jiffy during an argument, they're not going for a leisurely stroll. They're going to consult the Council of Elders, seek advice from Gandalf, and maybe even visit Yoda for some wisdom. I asked my partner once, "Where did you go in that jiffy?" They said, "I just needed some space." Yeah, space in the jiffy dimension! I'm here thinking we're having a regular disagreement, and they're treating it like a intergalactic crisis. Next time we argue, I'm going to say, "Hold on, let me consult the Oracle in a jiffy.
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You ever notice how they always say things will be done in a jiffy? I mean, what's a jiffy anyway? It's like this mysterious unit of time that no one can really pin down. I asked my friend the other day, "Hey, can you grab that for me real quick?" And he goes, "Sure, I'll be back in a jiffy." I'm still waiting! I'm starting to think he went to a parallel universe where time moves at a different speed, and in that universe, a jiffy is like a week or something. And why is it always something urgent that's promised to be done in a jiffy? "I'll fix your car in a jiffy." Yeah, right! I brought my car to the mechanic, and he said it would be ready in a jiffy. Three days later, I'm still waiting for my jiffy car! I bet if I asked him how long it would take to mess up my car, he'd say, "Oh, that can happen in a jiffy!
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I've come to the conclusion that a jiffy is like a time traveler. It has its own rules and agenda. You can't control it; it controls you. Have you ever tried telling your boss, "I'll finish that report in a jiffy"? They don't appreciate the unpredictability of jiffy time. Suddenly, deadlines become suggestions, and meetings are just illusions in the jiffy dimension. I imagine if time travel were possible, people would use jiffies as their units. "I'll be back from the past in a jiffy." Doc Brown would have said, "Great Scott! We've got to get back to the future in a jiffy!" I bet Marty McFly was thinking, "This is heavy, Doc, but can we make it back to 1985 in, like, two jiffies?
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You know, I tried cooking one of those microwave meals the other day, and it said, "Ready in a jiffy." So, I'm thinking, great, I'll have a delicious meal in no time. I set the timer, and then I start wondering, is a jiffy the same for microwaves and car repairs? Because if it is, I might as well order a pizza. I'm staring at that microwave, and it's counting down. Three minutes left, two minutes left, one minute left. And then it beeps, and I open the door, expecting a gourmet feast. What do I find? A frozen block of disappointment! If that's a jiffy, then I must be living in a time warp. I swear, sometimes a jiffy feels like an eternity, especially when you're hungry.
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