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You know Jesse? He's the only person who can start a story with "I'll make it quick" and still turn it into a saga longer than 'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy.
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Ever noticed how Jesse's umbrella only decides to invert in the middle of a crowded street during a downpour? It's like Mother Nature's personal comedy show.
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You know how they say some people have a green thumb? Well, Jesse has a "stub your toe on every piece of furniture" thumb. It's a talent, really.
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Jesse's the kind of guy who sets his phone to silent and it still manages to loudly announce incoming messages. It's like his phone's on a mission to interrupt stealthily.
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Jesse's the master of picking the one chair in the room that's either too wobbly or strategically positioned under a mysterious draft. He's like a chair whisperer, but for discomfort.
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Jesse's ability to choose the slowest moving line at any checkout is legendary. He's like a line magnet – wherever he goes, time stands still.
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Jesse's timing for arriving at a closed checkout counter is impeccable. It's as if he's been trained by the universe to be the ultimate test of our patience.
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Jesse’s a maestro at entering a room just as the last slice of pizza disappears. It's almost impressive how consistently unfortunate his timing is.
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You ever notice how Jesse always manages to find the one squeaky floorboard in a completely silent room? It's like he's got a secret contract with the wood to announce his presence!
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