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So JD is my go-to guy for tech support. And by "go-to guy," I mean he's the only one who picks up when I call him in a tech emergency. The other day, my laptop crashed, and I'm panicking. I call JD, and he says, "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" Classic move, right? But JD takes it to a whole new level. He says, "If that doesn't work, hit it with a gentle but firm karate chop." I'm sorry, what? Karate chop? Is my laptop a piñata, JD?
So there I am, in the middle of my living room, doing a Bruce Lee impression on my laptop. Spoiler alert: It didn't work. But hey, at least now my laptop has a black belt in not working.
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JD fancies himself a bit of a love guru. He's always giving me dating advice, and let me tell you, it's like getting romantic guidance from a fortune cookie with a sense of humor. He goes, "You gotta be mysterious, my friend. Wear sunglasses indoors." Sunglasses indoors? JD, I'm trying to find love, not audition for Men in Black. And then he tells me, "Send her a bouquet of flowers, but replace one rose with a carrot. It shows you have a sense of humor." I'm no relationship expert, but I'm pretty sure replacing roses with vegetables is not the key to a woman's heart. I mean, imagine getting a bouquet and thinking, "Oh, he's the one. He gets me, and he's health-conscious!
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JD is one of those guys who's always making bucket lists. But his are... unconventional, to say the least. He goes, "I want to climb Mount Everest in a gorilla suit." Really, JD? Because nothing says conquering the highest peak like doing it dressed as Harambe. And then he says, "I want to break a world record for the most socks worn on one foot." I'm like, "JD, there's a reason that's not a world record." That's not an achievement; that's just asking for circulation problems.
I love the guy, but sometimes I think JD's bucket list is just a series of dares he found on the back of a cereal box. Next thing you know, he'll be telling me he wants to ride a unicycle across a tightrope over Niagara Falls while juggling watermelons. Knowing JD, he's probably already practicing.
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You ever have that one friend who carries around a bag that's like a magician's hat? You know, the kind where you're not sure what's gonna pop out next? Yeah, I've got a buddy like that, we'll call him JD. JD's bag is like a Pandora's box of random weirdness. One day, he pulls out a rubber chicken. I'm like, "JD, why do you have a rubber chicken in your bag?" And he just looks at me dead serious and says, "You never know when you'll need to break the ice... or scare away a mime." Who walks around with a contingency plan for a mime attack?
And the next time, he pulls out a miniature umbrella. I'm like, "JD, it's not raining. Why the tiny umbrella?" And he says, "You never know when you'll need to stay dry in a conversation." I didn't even know staying dry was a conversational skill!
I swear, hanging out with JD is like being on a quirky episode of MacGyver. What's next, JD? A pocket-sized ladder for those unexpected social heights?
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