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You ever notice how people use the term "jacked" to describe getting strong or muscular? Like, "Oh man, I've been hitting the gym, getting jacked!" Well, I decided to give it a shot and join a gym. But let me tell you, the only thing getting jacked was my credit card from those membership fees! I walked into the gym all confident, thinking I'm about to transform into the Hulk. But after a few sessions, I realized the only thing I was transforming into was a person who regrets every life choice. I mean, why is it that the weights always seem lighter when someone else is lifting them? I swear, I look at the dumbbells, and they're like, "Hey, pick me up, it'll be fun!" And then reality hits, and it's more like, "Hey, remember that pizza you had last night? Feel it now!"
I also discovered that gym mirrors have a magical power. They can make you believe you're the next action movie star while doing bicep curls. I caught a glimpse of myself, flexing in the mirror, and I was like, "Wow, I'm practically Thor!" Until, of course, I tried to lift Thor's hammer – turns out, it's a lot heavier than those dumbbells.
So yeah, I'm getting jacked, just not in the way I expected. My wallet is getting leaner, though.
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You ever notice how technology is getting more and more jacked up? I mean, we've got smart fridges now that can order groceries for us. But let me tell you, my fridge is a bit too smart. It keeps ordering ice cream, and I'm over here trying to get jacked at the gym – not in the freezer! And what's with smart home devices having personalities? I asked my virtual assistant to turn off the lights, and it responded with, "Are you sure you want to be in the dark, Dave?" I'm like, "Who programmed you, HAL 9000? Just turn off the lights, I don't need existential questions from my light switch!"
But the pinnacle of jacked-up technology has to be autocorrect. It's like my phone is trying to start a war with my friends and family. I texted my mom saying I'll be there in a "ducking" minute, and suddenly, she thinks I've taken up waterfowl as a hobby. Thanks, autocorrect, you've turned me into the family bird watcher.
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You ever feel like your priorities are a bit jacked up? Like, I tell myself I'm going to hit the gym every day, but then Netflix releases a new series, and suddenly, I'm a dedicated couch potato. My fitness journey turns into a "watch-every-episode-in-one-sitting" marathon. I swear, my brain has its own set of priorities. It's like, "Workout? Nah, how about you spend an hour imagining all the witty comebacks you should have said in that conversation last week?" And don't even get me started on the "I'll start my diet tomorrow" mentality. Tomorrow never comes – it's the eternal land of broken promises and uneaten salads.
It's a constant battle between the person I want to be and the person my laziness wants me to be. I'm over here dreaming of six-pack abs, and my inner couch potato is like, "How about a six-pack of soda and some chips?"
So, yeah, my priorities might be a bit jacked up, but at least I'm consistently inconsistent. And in my world, that counts as a win.
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Let's talk about the word "jacked" for a moment. It's a bit confusing, isn't it? I mean, it can mean getting ripped at the gym, or it can mean getting your car stolen. That's quite the range. I can just imagine someone saying, "Hey, I got jacked last night," and you're like, "Oh no, did you lose your gains or your ride?" It's like the universe is playing a little linguistic prank on us. You're at the gym, talking to a friend, and they're like, "Man, I got so jacked yesterday!" And you're thinking, "Wait, did you hit the bench press, or did you accidentally park in a sketchy neighborhood?"
And then there's the whole misunderstanding potential. I tried telling my buddy that I was getting jacked, and he offered to buy me a steering wheel lock. I was like, "No, no, it's not my car, it's just my self-esteem that's getting stolen."
It's just a word, but it carries so much weight – pun intended. One moment you're talking about your workout routine, and the next, you're filing a police report.
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