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Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker? He was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker? He was outstanding in his field!
High Heels and Low Patience
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My friend convinced me to try high heels, saying they make you look taller and more confident. I tried them, and let me tell you, I've never been more confident in my ability to face-plant. It's like my feet have trust issues.
The High Stakes of Online Shopping
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I ordered something online, and the tracking information said, Your package is currently at a high location. Now I'm picturing my delivery person on a mountaintop, contemplating life choices. Just deliver my package; I didn't order enlightenment!
High-Functioning Procrastinator
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I told my boss I work best under pressure. So, he assigned me a project and said, Take your time. Now I'm sitting here thinking, How high can I crank up the pressure without getting a visit from HR?
High Expectations, Low Altitude
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You know you're setting yourself up for disappointment when your friend says, I've got high expectations for this weekend! Then you find out they booked a basement-level escape room. It's like, Yeah, you're going places, just not very high places.
Skydiving with My GPS
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So, my GPS recently started giving me altitude information. I'm driving along, and suddenly it says, You are now at 500 feet. I'm like, Thanks for the update, but are you trying to navigate me to my destination or the Mile High Club?
The Highs and Lows of Self-Reflection
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I tried meditation, and the instructor said, Picture yourself on a mountain. I closed my eyes, and all I could think was, How did I end up on this imaginary mountain when I was just trying to find inner peace? Is this the wrong mental GPS?
How High - Elevator Edition
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You ever notice how elevators have that little number that tells you what floor you're on? I got into one the other day, and it said How High. I'm thinking, Is this a measurement or a question about my life choices?
My Fitness App is Confused
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I downloaded this fitness app, and it asked, How high do you want to set your fitness goals? I'm thinking, Well, considering I just finished a bag of chips, I'd say let's aim for a 'modestly elevated' heart rate.
Highway to Snack Heaven
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You ever notice how when you're on a road trip, the sign says, Next Rest Stop, 100 miles? I'm thinking, How high is your confidence in my bladder's capacity, Department of Transportation?
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