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Hitchhiking is a bit like playing a game of chance. You don't know who's going to pick you up, and they don't know if you're a delightful passenger or someone who secretly believes they're auditioning for a horror movie. I had this one ride where the driver was playing the radio really loud. I asked if they could turn it down, and they looked at me like I had just insulted their grandma. I mean, I get it, music is subjective, but I didn't sign up for a mobile rave party.
And then there's the issue of personal space. I get into the car, and it's like they forgot the concept of boundaries. I'm sitting there with my backpack, and suddenly their pet snake decides to join the ride from under the driver's seat. I didn't know whether to scream or ask if it had a seatbelt.
So, note to self: next time, I might just take my chances with public transportation.
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You know, I tried hitchhiking once. Yeah, I thought it would be a great way to meet interesting people and save some money on transportation. But let me tell you, hitchhiking is like playing a game of "Guess the Serial Killer." I'm standing there on the side of the road, holding my thumb up, trying to look as non-threatening as possible. And then a car finally stops. I'm like, "Great! A potential ride!" But the moment I open the door, I'm hit with a wall of air freshener. I mean, did they just spray an entire pine forest in there to cover up something? I felt like I was getting a ride in a mobile air freshener factory.
And then there's the awkward small talk. The driver is trying to be friendly, asking where I'm headed, and I'm just sitting there thinking, "Is it too late to turn back and walk?" I mean, I've been in less awkward situations during a blind date. At least on a date, you can escape to the bathroom. In a car, you're stuck.
So, note to self: if you're ever considering hitchhiking, just remember that free rides might cost you a little bit of sanity.
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I recently read this article titled "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Survival." I thought, great, someone has finally cracked the code on how not to end up as an unsolved mystery. But turns out, the guide was just one page that said, "Don't hitchhike." I mean, come on, how about some practical advice? Like, if you find yourself on the side of the road with your thumb out, make sure you're wearing a sign that says, "Not an Axe Murderer." And drivers, maybe have a sign that says, "Not the Zodiac Killer." Let's clear things up a bit, you know?
And what's with the whole thumbs-up gesture? It's like we're living in the age of emojis, and I'm out here using my thumb like it's 1950. Maybe I should start using the waving hand emoji instead. "Hey, I'm not a threat, I promise! Just looking for a lift, not a lifetime commitment."
So, if you ever see someone hitchhiking with a waving hand, it's probably me trying to update the system.
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I've come to realize that hitchhiking has its own set of unwritten rules. Like, if you're the hitchhiker, you're expected to be grateful for any ride you get, no matter the conditions. I mean, I once got picked up by a guy driving a car that looked like it had survived three apocalypses. I had to pretend I was on an episode of "Survivor." And then there's the unspoken code of conversation. As the hitchhiker, you're expected to be a conversational chameleon. You've got to be able to talk about anything, from the weather to the existential crisis you're currently experiencing. It's like a pop quiz on your social skills while hurtling down the highway.
But my favorite unwritten rule has to be the "nod and smile" policy. You know, when the driver starts telling you their life story, and you're just nodding and smiling, secretly praying they don't pull over to show you their extensive collection of porcelain dolls.
So, the next time you see someone hitchhiking, just remember, they're not just looking for a ride; they're navigating a social obstacle course on wheels.
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