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You guys ever own a Roomba? Yeah, those little vacuum robots that roam around your house. I got one, and let me tell you, it's developed some questionable habits. I caught it the other day following me around the house, and I'm pretty sure it's been talking smack about my cleaning skills. I didn't know I needed a judgmental vacuum in my life. I'm just waiting for it to start leaving passive-aggressive Post-it notes: "Maybe pick up your socks next time, human.
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I tried this new diet where the food constantly harasses you. You know those talking scales? Yeah, I got one. Every morning, it's like, "Step on, fatty!" I'm not sure if I'm losing weight, but I'm definitely losing self-esteem. And don't even get me started on the talking fridge. Every time I open it, it's like, "Are you sure you need that? Remember your swimsuit season goal!" I just wanted a snack, not a guilt trip. If I wanted constant criticism, I'd hang out with my dieting appliances more.
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Let's talk about alarm clocks. They're supposed to wake you up, right? Well, mine has taken on a more aggressive approach. Instead of the gentle beep, I wake up to what can only be described as a barrage of insults. "Get up, you lazy bum! Do you want to be unemployed?" It's like having a tiny life coach with a superiority complex. I'm just waiting for it to start critiquing my wardrobe choices: "Really, another pair of sweatpants? Have some self-respect!
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Who here loves online shopping? Yeah, it's convenient, but it's also a breeding ground for harassment. I bought a pair of shoes last week, and now every website I visit is bombarding me with ads for shoes. I feel like I'm being stalked by footwear. I can't escape it! I just wanted one pair of sneakers, not a lifetime commitment to a virtual shoe store. It's like the internet has become my over-attached shopping buddy.
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