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I passed by a funeral home the other day with a sign that said, "Discounts for early birds." I didn't know mourning had an early bird special. "Get your grief on sale, folks!
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Funeral homes are the only places where you see people dressed impeccably in suits and ties, but you can't tell if they're there for a job interview or a eulogy. "Well, if I don't get the job, at least I can practice my condolences.
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Have you ever thought about the fact that funeral homes and wedding venues both have chapels? It's like they're saying, "Whether it's the beginning or the end, we've got you covered in this little room.
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Have you ever noticed how funeral homes always have the most serene names? Serenity Haven, Eternal Peace Gardens... it's like they're trying to lure you in with the promise of a peaceful eternal rest, forgetting that you're not there for the ambiance.
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I went to a funeral home that had a brochure titled "Funeral Packages." Are we planning a vacation or a farewell party? "Oh, let's go for the 'Rest in Peace Deluxe'—includes a free hearse ride for the deceased!
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You know you're in a small town when the local funeral home has a drive-thru window. "Yes, I'll take a medium casket with a side of condolences, please. Oh, and can I supersize the sympathy card?
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Why do funeral homes always have those somber, muted colors in their décor? I mean, I get it, but could we maybe add a splash of neon just to lighten the mood? "Rest in peace, but make it fashion.
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The funeral home near my house has a sign that reads, "Caring for your loved ones as if they were our own." Well, that's reassuring. I mean, I want my loved ones to be cared for, but I don't need them adopting my grandma.
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I noticed a funeral home advertising a 24-hour service. Because you never know when you might need a late-night burial, right? "Sorry for your loss, but we're open 'round the clock!
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