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You ever notice how when you buy something really expensive, suddenly everyone becomes a financial advisor? "Oh, you got a new car? Well, there goes your retirement fund. Enjoy your golden years on four wheels!
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Bought a fancy espresso machine thinking it would turn me into a barista overnight. Now, I've realized that the only skill I've mastered is making the sound of a disappointed coffee shop customer when my latte art looks like a deformed heart.
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Ever buy something expensive online, and when it arrives, you're convinced they sent you the wrong item? I ordered a luxury pen, and it came in this fancy box. I felt like I was handed the responsibility of signing peace treaties.
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Ever notice how expensive things come with their own set of rules? Like, if you buy a fancy piece of furniture, suddenly you're not allowed to eat anything within a 10-foot radius of it. Sorry, couch, no popcorn for you.
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You know you've reached a new level of adulthood when you start getting excited about kitchen appliances. I recently splurged on a top-of-the-line toaster. Now I find myself proudly showing it off to guests, like, "Oh, you think your toaster is cool? Mine has a PhD in bread crisping.
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Ever notice how the more expensive your shoes are, the more you feel like you're walking on clouds? Well, at least until you step in a puddle. Then you're walking on soggy, expensive clouds.
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Bought a high-end blender recently. It's so powerful; I think it's planning its escape. Every time I turn it on, I half expect it to start blending itself into a smoothie and making a run for it.
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Why is it that the more expensive the gadget, the smaller the instruction manual becomes? I bought a high-tech camera, and the manual was basically a pamphlet that said, "Good luck figuring this out, genius!
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I bought a designer handbag, and now I'm convinced it has its own gravitational pull. Every time I try to find something in there, it's like I'm on a treasure hunt through the Bermuda Triangle of lipsticks and loose change.
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