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You know how at parties, there's always that guy who can do cool tricks or magic? Well, that's Dwayne, but his party tricks are on a whole other level. I once saw him balance a chair on his nose. A chair! I can barely balance my checkbook. And he's the master of dad jokes. You'll be having a serious conversation, and out of nowhere, Dwayne drops a pun that makes everyone groan. He thinks he's the funniest guy in the room, and we all just play along because, let's face it, it's Dwayne.
So next time you're at a party and someone says, "Watch this, Dwayne's got a trick," brace yourself. It could be anything from juggling flaming marshmallows to reciting Shakespeare in a pirate accent. With Dwayne, you never know what you're gonna get, but you know it'll be entertaining.
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I'm convinced Dwayne has some hidden superpowers. Like, one day he's sitting there, and I drop my pen. Without missing a beat, Dwayne reaches over and catches it mid-air. I'm like, "Dwayne, were you bitten by a radioactive spider recently?" He just shrugs and says, "Nah, I'm always prepared for pen emergencies." But his superpowers extend beyond that. Dwayne can eat an entire pizza in one sitting and not gain an ounce. I asked him, "Dwayne, what's your secret?" He goes, "High metabolism." Yeah, right. I think he's got a deal with a pizza wizard or something.
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Let's talk about Dwayne's relationship with technology. I swear, Dwayne is like a living, breathing time capsule. He still thinks VHS tapes are cutting-edge technology. I asked him for his email once, and he goes, "Email? Nah, just send me a fax." A fax? Is Dwayne living in the '90s? And don't even get me started on social media. Dwayne's idea of a social network is passing notes in class. I told him, "Dwayne, you need to join the 21st century. Get on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter." He goes, "I'm already on Friendster." Friendster, people! I didn't even know that still existed.
I love how Dwayne tries to take a selfie. It's like watching a caveman discover fire. He holds the phone at arm's length, squints at it, and ends up taking a picture of his ear. Dude, the camera is the other way!
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You ever notice how every group of friends has that one mysterious guy named Dwayne? I mean, seriously, there's always a Dwayne lurking in the shadows. You're at a party, and someone goes, "Hey, who invited Dwayne?" And everyone's like, "I thought you invited him!" Dwayne just appears out of thin air like a comedy ninja. I'm convinced he has a secret entrance nobody knows about, like a trapdoor or maybe he just materializes in a puff of smoke. I asked Dwayne once, "How do you always manage to sneak into places unnoticed?" And he goes, "Oh, it's easy, I'm basically a human ninja." Really, Dwayne? A ninja? Last time I checked, ninjas don't wear cargo shorts and flip-flops.
But seriously, Dwayne adds this mysterious vibe to the group. You're telling a story, and suddenly Dwayne interrupts with, "Yeah, that reminds me of the time I saved a baby penguin from a gang of squirrels." And you're just standing there like, "What? When did Dwayne become an action hero?
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