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The Movie Script Critic
Dwayne refusing to accept my "brilliant" movie script ideas.
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Dwayne rejected my idea for a buddy cop film starring him and a talking parrot. I argued, "Imagine the tagline: 'Two squawkers, one mission!'
The Overly Enthusiastic Fan
Dwayne's reluctance to recognize me as his #1 fan.
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Dwayne told me, "I appreciate the love, but I need some personal space." I said, "No problem, Dwayne, I'll just be in the bushes outside your house. You won't even notice me. Like the box office for my last movie.
The Personal Trainer for Dwayne's Cheat Days
Dwayne's commitment to cheat days, despite my attempts to make him stick to a healthy diet.
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Dwayne asked me for a cheat day workout plan. I said, "Sure, just lift the remote and switch between movie channels. It's a full-body workout: laughing, crying, and trying to find something you haven't seen yet.
Dwayne's Lost Twin
Dwayne's denial about us being long-lost twins.
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I showed Dwayne our baby pictures side by side. He said, "Coincidence." I said, "Coincidence? Our moms must have attended the same 'Create a Future Action Star' seminar.
The Dwayne Impersonator
Dwayne's annoyance with my attempts at impersonating him.
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Dwayne caught me practicing his catchphrase in the mirror. He said, "It's not just about saying it; it's about having biceps bigger than your head." I said, "Well, my head is a pretty big muscle.
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