bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
Let's talk about birthday cards for a moment. You ever notice how they're all so cheesy? Well, my dad despises cheesy. I got him this heartfelt, sentimental card once. It had this beautiful poem about love and family. He opens it, reads the first line, and goes, "Ugh, too mushy."
"Dad, it's a birthday card. It's supposed to be mushy."
He scoffs, "I want a card that tells me what I've achieved in the past year and what my goals should be for the next."
I'm sorry, Dad, I'm not Hallmark's life coach edition.
0
0
So, buying a gift for my dad is like participating in the Olympics of shopping. It's not about the thought; it's about the functionality. I bought him this state-of-the-art blender once. I thought he'd appreciate it, you know, make some healthy smoothies. Big mistake. He unwraps it, looks at me, and goes, "What am I gonna do with this?"
"Dad, it's a blender! You can make smoothies, soups, all kinds of stuff."
He narrows his eyes and says, "I have a spoon."
Apparently, his criteria for a good gift are if it can either fix the car or cook him a three-course meal. If it can't do either, it's just clutter. I should've known better. Now, every time I visit, that blender is still sitting in the box, probably feeling useless and rejected.
0
0
Let's talk about birthday cakes. Now, most people expect a cake with candles, right? Well, not my dad. I got him this elaborate cake once with candles spelling out "Happy Birthday." I thought it was genius. He looks at it and says, "What am I, five?"
"Dad, it's a tradition!"
He scoffs, "Tradition? Real men don't need candles. Real men just need cake. Period."
So, I bring out a cake the next year, no candles, just cake. He takes a look and says, "Still too fancy. Just give me a pie next time."
So, now, every year, I bring him a pie, and he devours it like it's the best thing he's ever eaten. Who needs candles when you have a good ol' pie?
0
0
You know, birthdays are supposed to be these joyous occasions, right? Well, not in my dad's world. My dad, on his birthday, turns into this grumpy birthday bear. You can't wish him 'Happy Birthday' without getting an eye roll that suggests, "Do I look happy to you?" I tried to throw him a surprise party once. Key word: tried. I'm like, "Dad, we're throwing you a party!"
He goes, "Oh great, what did I do now?"
"Dad, it's your birthday!"
He looks at me dead in the eyes and says, "So, now I'm older. Fantastic."
I'm telling you, trying to surprise a man who can detect the smell of cake from two miles away is impossible. He walked in and ruined his own surprise.
He looks around and says, "What's all this? Did someone die?"
"Dad, it's your birthday!"
"Well, thanks for reminding me.
Post a Comment