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You ever notice how the term "criminal" can be so confusing? Like, what's the deal with calling someone a criminal? It's such a broad term. I mean, are we talking about the guy who steals your lunch from the office fridge, or are we talking about the mastermind behind an elaborate bank heist? It's like comparing a kid who took an extra cookie to a Bond villain. "Criminal" needs subcategories, like Criminal Lite and Criminal Deluxe. We need a criminal menu! I can imagine a detective saying, "Well, Johnson, looks like we've got a Level 2 Misdemeanor here. Perpetrator stole a candy bar from the gas station. Send in the candy cop, stat!
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Let's talk about criminal fashion for a moment. Have you ever noticed that criminals in movies always have this impeccable sense of style? I'm watching a heist film, and the guy breaking into a high-security vault looks like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine. I'm over here struggling to match my socks, and this dude is color-coordinating his ski mask with his gloves. Maybe that's what I'm missing in life. Maybe I need to embrace my inner criminal and start dressing like I'm about to pull off the heist of the century when I'm just grabbing milk from the grocery store. Picture this: I roll into the supermarket wearing all black with a ski mask, and people are like, "Whoa, that guy means business!" Then I just casually head to the dairy aisle. Classy criminal, right?
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So, they say criminal profiling is a thing, right? But it seems a bit subjective. Like, if you asked me to profile a criminal, I'd probably say they're the person who uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn't replace the roll. That's a criminal in my book! But real criminal profiling is more serious. They talk about behavior, patterns, and all that jazz. I tried profiling my neighbors once. Turns out, the guy next door who mows his lawn at 6 AM isn't a criminal; he's just an early riser with questionable priorities. But seriously, criminal profiling is like trying to guess someone's favorite color based on their taste in breakfast cereal. "I see you like Frosted Flakes; you must be a fan of magenta!
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Have you ever noticed that criminals always seem to have these cool-sounding names? The media turns them into legends with names like "The Phantom" or "The Gentleman Bandit." I want a cool name! If I ever turn to a life of crime, I want to be known as "The Avocado Avenger" or "Captain Quirk." But no, my name would probably end up being something like "The Mild Mannered Muffin Thief" or "The Guy Who J-Walks Occasionally." I want a crime name that strikes fear into the hearts of pastries and has a theme song. Imagine a bank heist, and as I make my daring escape, you hear in the background, "Here comes the Avocado Avenger, stealing guac and your heart!
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