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Let's talk about text wars, people. You ever had that? You think World War III’s about to start because you replied with an emoji instead of a sentence? And then there’s the time bomb emoji—like, relax, Karen, I just had bad Mexican food, I don't need a code red alert! I once got a text in all caps: "We need to talk!" That's it, just four words. I mean, that's like the nuclear option of texting. Instant panic mode activated! I'm sweating bullets, thinking, "What did I do? What didn't I do?" Turns out, she wanted to discuss the correct way to load a dishwasher. Seriously, I didn't know that could lead to a potential breakup!
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Let’s dive into the realm of gifts from exes. You ever received a gift from an ex that's just... awkward? I once got a set of matching onesies. Now, I'm not sure if she was planning a romantic evening or auditioning for a twin movie role. But I'm standing there in this onesie thinking, "Do I wear this to bed or a comic con? Because I'm getting mixed signals here!" And then there are those sentimental gifts that become haunting reminders. Like a framed photo—sweet, right? Wrong. When it’s strategically placed on the shelf, staring at you like a tiny guilt-inducing monument, every day is a trip down memory lane you didn’t sign up for!
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You know, they say everyone has a crazy ex, right? It’s like a rite of passage. If you haven't dated someone slightly unhinged, are you even in the game? I had this one ex, let's call her... "The Maestro of Drama." She could turn a simple text message into a Shakespearean tragedy. I'd send a "Hey, how's it going?" and get back a novella about how I ruined her day because I didn't use an exclamation point. Like, who knew punctuation could be so emotionally charged? But you know what's funny? They all come with a warning label. There should be an app for that. You're swiping through, and suddenly, "Warning: May spontaneously combust if you don't reply within 2.5 minutes." Or "Caution: Has a secret talent for turning your social media into a crime scene investigation." You gotta decode likes, comments, timestamps. It's like a puzzle only an FBI agent could solve!
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You ever notice how exes have this superpower? They can sense when you're finally moving on. Like, you're strutting down the street, feeling good, and suddenly, your phone buzzes. Guess who? Yep, your ex! They've got a sixth sense for your happiness, and they're here to sprinkle a little drama on it. It’s like they've got a PhD in "Timing: How to Ruin Yours." And then there's the accidental meeting. You know, you’re at your favorite spot, having a blast, and boom! There they are, right across the room. It’s like a rom-com written by fate, directed by Murphy's Law. You pretend to be engrossed in your phone, praying they don't notice you. But nope, they’re suddenly the friendliest person in the room, waving like you're old buddies! Can’t make this stuff up, folks!
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