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Online Dating Profile Writer
Making a dull person sound exciting
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I tried the online dating profile thing once. The writer made me sound so interesting that even I wanted to date me. Then reality hit, and I realized I can't live up to the expectations of my own profile. I mean, who knew grocery shopping could be so disappointing?
The Used Car Salesman
Trying to sell a lemon of a car
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Selling a used car is like dating. You've got to highlight the good stuff, downplay the flaws, and hope they don't notice the weird noises it makes when you take it out.
Real Estate Agent
Selling a haunted house
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I showed a haunted house to a couple, and the wife asked, "Does it come with any spirits?" I said, "No, but if you buy it, you might get a free ghost. It's the ultimate BOGO deal – buy a house, get a haunting free!
Job Recruiter
Trying to find the perfect candidate
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Trying to find the perfect candidate is like trying to find a needle in a haystack, but the haystack is made of hay, needles, and people who think having "proficient in Microsoft Word" on their resume is a special skill.
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