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Joke Types
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Why did Sean Connery become a chef? He wanted to make the world's best shaken, not stirred, soufflé.
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Why did Sean Connery refuse to play cards? He's had too many bad experiences with Diamonds.
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I tried to make a pun about Sean Connery, but I'm afraid it might be too shhhallow.
A License to Joke
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I told Sean Connery a joke the other day, and he said, That's not funny. I replied, Well, excuse me, Mr. Bond, not all of us have a license to kill... I mean, joke.
007 Problems
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I saw Sean Connery at a therapist's office the other day. The therapist asked, What brings you here? Connery replied, Well, I've got 007 problems, and they're all Bond-related. The therapist just looked at him and said, You mean issues, Sean. You've got 007 issues.
The Spy Who Forgot
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I heard Sean Connery forgot his password. The security system kept saying, Incorrect, Mr. Bond. He replied, Well, I'm not trying to access MI6, just my Netflix account.
The Name's Connery, Sean Connery
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I tried to introduce Sean Connery to someone, and he interrupted me, saying, The name's Connery, Sean Connery. I thought, Okay, James Bond, we're just at a grocery store, not infiltrating a secret lair.
007 and the Self-Checkout
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I spotted Sean Connery at the self-checkout counter in a grocery store. He was scanning items and muttering, This machine is more complicated than disarming a nuclear bomb. Where's Q when you need him?
007 Retirement
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Sean Connery retired from acting, and now he's into gardening. He told me, I used to fight international criminals, now I'm fighting weeds. The only world domination happening here is by dandelions.
007 and the Lost Keys
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Sean Connery lost his car keys. He searched for them for hours and finally found them in the freezer. When asked why they were there, he replied, Well, I like my keys ice-cold, just like my enemies.
007 Workout Routine
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I asked Sean Connery about his workout routine. He said, I do 007 push-ups every morning. I asked, 007 push-ups? What's that? He replied, Seven, and then I stop. Any more would be overkill, darling.
007 in the Kitchen
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Sean Connery decided to become a chef. I asked him what's on the menu, and he said, Today's special is a license to grill. And for dessert, we have 'Goldfingerlickin' good pie.'
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