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The intensity of college football fans is something else. They paint their faces, wear team colors, and scream like they're auditioning for a horror movie. I can't even get that excited about my morning coffee.
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College football coaches always wear headsets during games. I can barely get my Bluetooth earpiece to connect to my phone, and they're coordinating an entire team with flawless communication? Maybe they're secretly ordering pizza between plays.
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College football halftime shows are like a mix between a Broadway performance and a circus act. I went to one and thought I accidentally stumbled into a talent show. I didn't know tackling people could be followed by interpretive dance.
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College football mascots are bizarre. I mean, what's scarier than a giant tree or a cuddly bear cheering for a touchdown? I guess the opponents are too busy laughing to play defense.
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Have you ever tried watching a college football game without knowing who's playing? It's like watching a nature documentary in a foreign language. You're just nodding along, pretending to understand the wild rituals.
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College football teams have these enormous playbooks. I mean, they're thicker than a Shakespearean tragedy. I can barely follow a recipe for mac and cheese, and they expect these players to memorize a football epic.
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Have you ever tried explaining the rules of college football to someone from another country? It's like trying to explain quantum physics to a goldfish. "Okay, so they move the ball, but not with their hands, except when they do, and there's this thing called a touchdown dance.
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College football players have those massive shoulder pads. Are they playing football or auditioning for a role in a space epic? I half expect them to break into a lightsaber duel on the field.
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You ever notice how college football teams have those elaborate hand signals on the sidelines? It's like they're coaching a game of charades. "Alright, guys, two words, first word, sounds like touchdown!
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