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You know it's a church talent show when the dance routine includes moves like "The Holy Shimmy" and "The Praise Break Leg Lift." Forget the moonwalk; we're talking about the stairway to heaven shuffle.
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The church talent show's highlight was a ventriloquist act where the dummy started preaching a sermon. It was so convincing that even the ushers were passing around collection plates for the puppet's ministry.
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I attended a church talent show recently, and let me tell you, the competition was so intense that the guy juggling flaming bibles got a standing ovation, and the choir had to bring in backup singers from the heavenly realms.
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You know you've hit rock bottom when your karaoke performance at the church talent show gets a standing ovation from the clergy – not because it was good, but because they're praying for divine intervention.
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The church talent show is the only place where you can witness a magic act where the magician tries to turn water into wine and everyone cheers like they've just witnessed a modern-day miracle.
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I participated in the church talent show with a dramatic reading of the Ten Commandments. Turns out, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ox" doesn't have the same impact when delivered with jazz hands.
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At the church talent show, the puppetry performance was so realistic that I couldn't tell if the puppet or the puppeteer was more blessed – the puppet seemed to have a stronger connection with the audience.
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In the church talent show, there was a guy attempting stand-up comedy. His opening line was, "Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it heard the sermon was eggcellent." I've never seen so many people praying for better punchlines.
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The church talent show featured a mime who attempted to reenact the story of creation. Let's just say that miming the creation of the universe is a tough act – especially when you're restricted to an invisible box.
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