4 Jokes For Capitol Hill

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Aug 06 2024

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Security on Capitol Hill is no joke. I mean, you've got more checkpoints than a high-stakes board game. They scan your ID, your bags, your thoughts—okay, maybe not thoughts, but they're thorough! It's like they expect someone to smuggle in a rogue amendment or something. And those metal detectors? They beep at everything! If you forget to take a penny out of your pocket, you're public enemy number one. But hey, at least they've got a great sense of humor when they find your forgotten snack stash.
Have you ever been to Capitol Hill? It's like stepping into a parallel universe where the rules of normal behavior just don't apply. You walk into a café, and suddenly everyone's whispering, like they're afraid their conversations might pass a bill or something. And don't get me started on elevator etiquette! It's like a social experiment on how many people can fit into a tiny metal box without making eye contact. You've got lobbyists, politicians, aides—everyone trying to act casual while secretly plotting world domination.
Tourists on Capitol Hill are a different breed, let me tell you. They're armed with cameras, fanny packs, and more questions than a pop quiz. They're walking around like they're in a live-action museum, pointing at buildings and asking, "Is that where democracy lives?" And the guides? They've got their rehearsed speeches down pat, like they're giving the performance of a lifetime. But you've got to admire the enthusiasm—they're like kids in a candy store, except the candy is history, and they can't take a bite.
You know, I thought I had seen traffic, you know? I thought I'd seen it all, but then I drove near Capitol Hill. I swear, rush hour there is like a slow-motion race between turtles with a prize for the slowest one. You've got politicians double-parking, interns sprinting with coffee like their lives depend on it, and tourists stopping dead in their tracks to take pictures. It's like a real-life game of Frogger, except the frogs are lobbyists trying to cross the road without getting splashed by a scandal.

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