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You ever notice how calendars are like time's scrapbook? "Oh, look at that, July 5th, the day I ate an entire watermelon by myself. Good times.
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I asked a calendar factory worker if they ever get tired of dealing with dates all day. They said, "Nah, it's just a date with destiny every day. Sometimes destiny looks a lot like a three-day weekend.
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I heard they're making a reality show about the calendar factory. It's called "Days of Our Lives," and it's just employees arguing about whether February should have 28 or 29 days.
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I visited the calendar factory the other day. It was a surreal experience. The tour guide said, "This is where we make the days of the week." I didn't have the heart to tell them that Monday feels like it's been on repeat for years.
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You know you're an adult when a trip to the calendar factory is more exciting than a trip to Disneyland. "Look at all those days! And they said adulthood would be boring.
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Ever wonder who comes up with those national holidays? I bet there's a guy at the calendar factory going, "You know what the world needs? National Napping Day. Yeah, that'll make everyone feel more productive.
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The calendar factory must be a stressful place. I imagine there's a guy there whose job is just to count the days until the weekend. He's probably the most popular guy at the water cooler on Fridays.
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You know, I heard they opened a calendar factory recently. I thought, "That's great, now we can finally schedule our existential crises with some organization. Monday at 3 PM, existential crisis. Wednesday, pick up the dry cleaning.
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I tried to make my own calendar once. It lasted about a week before I realized I had seven Mondays in a row. Turns out, creating a functioning calendar is harder than it looks. Who knew?
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