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You ever notice how hugs can go wrong? Like, there's this unspoken agreement when you go in for a hug—you're supposed to come out of it intact, right? Well, not for me. I hugged my friend the other day, and it was like a bone-crushing experience, not in a good way. I mean, I'm not an action hero, I don't need to walk away from a hug feeling like I just survived a fight scene! We did the whole, "Hey, how's it going?" routine, and then she went for it. I swear it felt like my ribs were about to burst through my chest. I've had softer encounters with a professional wrestler! I'm pretty sure she took the term "bear hug" a bit too literally. It's like she was trying to break the world record for most broken ribs in a single embrace!
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So, I tried my hand at DIY. Big mistake! You know, those instructional videos on fixing things around the house make it seem so easy. They're like, "Just grab a wrench, a hammer, and voilà, you're Bob the Builder!" Yeah, I'm here to tell you that's a load of nonsense. I attempted to fix a shelf, and long story short, I ended up with broken ribs. How, you ask? Well, apparently, the shelf had a vendetta against me. The moment I tried to mount it, it decided to do a trust fall—directly onto me! I swear I heard it cackling as I hit the ground. That shelf—zero stars on Yelp, would not recommend.
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Ever sneezed at the worst possible moment? Sneezing is like an involuntary party crasher—it shows up uninvited and makes a scene! Picture this: I'm at this ultra-serious meeting, trying to maintain the utmost professionalism. And then, out of nowhere, my body decides it's the perfect time for a sneeze. Now, remember the broken ribs? Yeah, well, my body apparently forgot about them, and that sneeze felt like a betrayal! It's like my ribs were shouting, "Abort! Abort!" But the sneeze had a mind of its own. I had to do this covert operation of trying to muffle it while not looking like I just got hit by a truck. Spoiler alert: I failed on both counts. Who knew a sneeze could cause such chaos in an already tense situation?
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Have you ever laughed so hard that it was almost dangerous? I mean, I'm all for a good laugh, but not when it comes with a health warning! Last week, I was at this comedy show, and the comedian was hilarious. I mean, tears-streaming-down-my-face kind of funny. But here's the catch—I had broken ribs! You can imagine the internal conflict: on one hand, I'm trying to contain myself, not to aggravate the ribs, and on the other hand, this comic genius is making it impossible not to laugh! It was like trying to hold in a sneeze during a pollen storm. Every chuckle felt like a tiny rebellion against my body's "no-laughing zone." By the end of the show, I was in stitches, both from laughter and, well, the risk of actual stitches!
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