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Joke Types
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Why did the breather become a gardener? Because he wanted to 'leaf' the stress behind!
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Why did the lung break up with the nostril? It needed more space for personal breathing!
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My friend told me he's writing a book on breathing techniques. I said, 'Inhale-arious!
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Why did the breather become a comedian? Because he wanted to take a lot of 'punch' lines!
Breathing Competitions
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I found out my neighbor and I have this unspoken competition on who can breathe louder during morning yoga. I didn't know yoga had a soundtrack, but apparently, it's just heavy breathing.
Breathing Apps
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I downloaded a meditation app to help me relax, and it said, Focus on your breath. So now, instead of feeling calm, I'm just hyper-aware of the fact that breathing manually is surprisingly exhausting.
Breathing Etiquette
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You know you're an adult when you argue with your spouse about proper breathing etiquette. It's like, Honey, you can't just inhale the entire oxygen supply; we're sharing this air.
Breathing Styles
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I discovered there are two types of people in this world: those who inhale loudly and those who judge people who inhale loudly. I'm in both categories, depending on the day.
The Breather
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You ever notice how we all have that one friend who insists on taking a breather during a workout? They're like, I need to catch my breath. And I'm like, We're not being chased by lions, Dave. This is Zumba.
The Silent Treatment
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My girlfriend told me she needs some space, so now I've labeled the couch as her designated breathing area. It's not the silent treatment; it's the breathable treatment.
Breathalyzer Excuses
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My friend got pulled over for a DUI, and when the cop asked if he had been drinking, he said, No, officer, I was just practicing deep breathing exercises. Now he's known as the Yogi of Traffic Violations.
Inhale the Confidence
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I read somewhere that taking deep breaths helps boost your confidence. So now, before any important meeting, I'm in the corner, inhaling like I'm about to blow up a balloon. Spoiler alert: it hasn't boosted my confidence, but I can whistle really well now.
Breath of Life
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They say life is a series of breaths. Well, I must be doing pretty well because I've hyperventilated through a whole season of Netflix. If binge-watching was an Olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist in involuntary cardio.
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