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Why did the birthday gift bring a ladder? It wanted to be a little more 'uplifting'!
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Why did the birthday cake go to school? It wanted to be a little 'smarter'!
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Why did the birthday card apply for a job? It wanted to get some extra 'cents'!
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Why did the birthday cake go to therapy? It had too many layers of issues!
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Why did the birthday balloon turn red? It saw the cake and realized it was going to be blown away!
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Why did the birthday tomato turn to the fridge? It wanted to be a little cooler!
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What do you call someone who steals energy on their birthday? A party pooper!
Growing Older: The Only Job You Can't Quit
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Birthdays are like that annual performance review where you assess your life and wonder, Is this really the career I signed up for? Spoiler alert: you can't quit, and HR (aka Time) isn't taking any resignation letters.
Time Flies When You're Not Sure What You're Doing
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Birthdays are a time machine. One minute you're blowing out candles, and the next, you're contemplating the mysteries of the universe, like, Is it too late to become a ninja astronaut? Asking for a friend.
Celebrating Birthdays, or as I Call It, Surviving Another Year
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Birthdays are weird. We celebrate the fact that we managed to stay alive for another 365 days. It's like a participation trophy for not succumbing to daily chaos. Hey, you didn't get hit by a bus or accidentally eat poisonous berries. Here's a cake!
Birthday Cards: The Original Social Media
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You know you're getting old when you appreciate a birthday card more than a Facebook message. There's something about holding a piece of paper that says, Hey, you matter, instead of a notification that says, 237 people wrote on your wall.
Aging Gracefully... or Not So Much
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They say age is just a number, but that number is starting to look suspiciously like my cholesterol level. At this point, I'm not aging like fine wine; I'm aging like a carton of milk left in the sun.
Birthdays: The Ultimate Reality Check
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You ever look in the mirror on your birthday and think, Is this the face that launched a thousand awkward moments? Birthdays are nature's way of saying, Guess what? You're still you, deal with it.
Birthday Wishes: The Only Time I Want a Unicorn
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On my birthday, I want my wishes to be as unrealistic as possible. I'm blowing out those candles and thinking, I wish for a pet dragon, a lifetime supply of pizza, and the ability to nap without any guilt. Let's make dreams come true, people!
Birthdays: A Reminder That Time is Winning
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You ever notice how birthdays are like an annual report card from life? It's like, Congratulations! You've successfully completed another trip around the sun. How did you do? And I'm over here thinking, Well, I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, so not great, I guess.
Aging: The Only Process We Celebrate with Cake
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You know you're getting older when the candles on your birthday cake cost more than the cake itself. I mean, fire hazard or not, if I'm going to face the existential dread of aging, I want it to be illuminated by a spectacular inferno of wax and wicks.
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