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You ever have that friend who's so indecisive that even ordering coffee becomes a Shakespearean tragedy? Ashley is that friend. We went to a coffee shop, and she stood there staring at the menu like it was the Rosetta Stone. The barista asked, "What can I get you?" and Ashley replies, "Existential crisis in a cup, please." She finally decides on a drink, but then comes the name game. "I'll have a tall, half-sweet, non-fat, extra-hot caramel macchiato with a sprinkle of unicorn dust." The barista just stared at her, probably wondering if she accidentally walked into a Harry Potter movie. Ashley, you're not ordering coffee; you're casting a spell.
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We all have that one friend who loses things so often that it's like they're in a constant game of hide-and-seek with their possessions. Ashley takes it to a whole new level. She once lost her keys and spent hours looking for them. I asked, "Where did you last see them?" She replies, "If I knew that, they wouldn't be lost." I suggested retracing her steps, and she said, "I can't remember where I stepped!" It's like she's trying to solve the mystery of the missing keys with amnesia. Eventually, we found the keys in the fridge. Ashley, are you trying to start your car or make it an omelet?
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You ever notice how GPS can turn your life into a real-life Choose Your Own Adventure book? I've got this friend, Ashley, who insists on using her GPS for everything. I mean, Ashley, do you really need GPS to find your own kitchen? She's the only person I know who sets a waypoint to the bathroom. I can imagine her GPS saying, "In 500 feet, turn left to avoid the cat, then proceed straight to the toilet." I went on a road trip with Ashley once, and her GPS had a meltdown. It was like, "Recalculating... recalculating... honestly, I give up, just figure it out yourself." I swear, even Siri was like, "Ashley, I can't with you right now.
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You know that friend who says they're just "window shopping" but ends up buying the entire store? Yeah, that's Ashley. She starts scrolling through an online store, innocently saying, "I'm just looking, not buying anything." Two hours later, she's got a cart full of items, and her credit card is begging for mercy. I asked her, "Ashley, how did this happen?" She said, "Well, they had a sale, and I didn't want to miss out." Ashley, you could find a sale in an empty room. If there were a store that sold air, she'd buy three and get one free. I swear, her credit card bill is like a novel, and every chapter is a new purchase.
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