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You ever lend something to a friend, like Ashley, and then forget about it? Months later, she returns it, and you're standing there like, "Oh yeah, I used to own a blender. Thanks for the loan!
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Ashley's always giving me advice on dating. She's like, "You just need to be confident!" Meanwhile, her flirting style is something out of a disaster movie. Confidence, Ashley, not chaos.
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Ashley, bless her heart, is the queen of making plans. We'll make these elaborate plans to meet up, and then when the day comes, it's like she's vanished into thin air. I'm convinced she's secretly training for hide-and-seek championships.
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I asked Ashley what her superpower would be if she could have one. She said, "The ability to find my keys." I told her she might need a superhero name too, like "The Forgetful Avenger." Watch out, world!
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Ashley told me she's into fitness. I said, "Great, me too! I do sit-ups every morning. I sit up in bed, contemplate going to the gym, and then decide against it." She called that relatable; I called it a workout plan.
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Ever notice how Ashley can eat an entire pizza by herself and never gain a pound? Meanwhile, I look at a slice, and my metabolism starts slowing down. I swear, her digestive system is like a superhero, and mine is more like a sleepy sloth.
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You ever notice how there's always that one friend, in my case, it's Ashley, who takes forever to respond to a text? I sent her a message last week, and I'm still waiting. I'm starting to think carrier pigeons might be faster.
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Ashley and I decided to cook together once. Let's just say, if our friendship survived that kitchen disaster, it can survive anything. I didn't know someone could burn water until that day.
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You know you have a close friend when you can finish each other's sentences. With Ashley, it's more like we start sentences and then get distracted by a squirrel or a shiny object. It's like trying to have a conversation with a goldfish sometimes.
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