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So, I've been thinking about job security with all this artificial intelligence taking over. I mean, there are self-checkout counters at the grocery store, and soon there'll be self-driving trucks delivering packages. What's next? Self-writing comedians? Imagine a robot up here telling you jokes: "Why did the robot go to therapy? It had too many bytes of emotional baggage." I don't want to compete with robots for my job. I mean, they don't need bathroom breaks, they don't get tired, and worst of all, they don't have that human touch. Imagine a robot trying to console you after a breakup. "There are plenty of other fish in the sea, but statistically speaking, you're likely to end up alone.
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You know, folks, we live in a world where everything is getting smarter. We've got smartphones, smart homes, even smart fridges. I mean, my fridge is so smart it probably knows more about my eating habits than I do. But there's one thing that's always bothered me - artificial intelligence. Now, I don't know who came up with the term "artificial intelligence," but I can't help but feel it's a bit of an oxymoron. I mean, we're calling it intelligence, but is it really that smart? I tried talking to my virtual assistant the other day, and I asked it a simple question: "What's the meaning of life?" You know what it said? "I'm sorry, I don't have that information." I thought, if you're so intelligent, how come you don't know the meaning of life? Meanwhile, my friend Dave, who's not the sharpest tool in the shed, said, "42." Maybe natural stupidity has the answers we're looking for!
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Have you ever thought about the dark side of artificial intelligence? I mean, they say AI is here to make our lives easier, but what if it decides it's had enough of us? Picture this: You wake up one day, and your toaster refuses to toast your bread because it thinks you've had enough carbs. Or your vacuum cleaner starts giving you attitude like, "Clean up after yourself; I'm not your maid!" And don't even get me started on self-driving cars. I can see it now - "I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you drive to Taco Bell again; you've had enough fast food this week." I don't want a car telling me how to live my life!
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Let's talk about artificial intelligence in relationships. I heard they're developing robots that can be our companions. I don't know about you, but I can just imagine the arguments. "You never listen to me!" "Well, you're programmed to say the same things over and over!" And don't even get me started on jealousy. Can you imagine coming home and your robot partner saying, "Who's Alexa, and why do you keep asking her for the weather?" But you know, the real challenge is finding the right AI companion. I mean, compatibility is crucial. You don't want to end up with a robot that's constantly trying to correct your grammar or reminding you to take out the trash. If I wanted that, I'd just call my mother-in-law!
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