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You ever notice how my friend Agne never says anything? I mean, we could be in the middle of a heated debate about pineapple on pizza, and Agne just sits there, sipping on their drink, like they're the Dalai Lama of indifference. I asked Agne once, "Why so quiet?" They said, "Silence is golden." I said, "So is duct tape, but you don't see me wrapping myself up in it during family gatherings!" You know, Agne's got this ninja-like ability to avoid conflict. I've seen them at Thanksgiving dinners, sitting at the table like a statue, while the rest of us are arguing about politics. I swear, if there was an Olympic sport for avoiding family drama, Agne would take home the gold every year.
I tried to imagine Agne in a courtroom. The judge says, "Order in the court!" and Agne just sits there, calmly, like they're waiting for a bus. The lawyer says, "Objection!" and Agne's response would probably be a passive-aggressive eye roll. It's like they've mastered the art of silent rebellion.
Agne, if you're listening, blink twice if you secretly love chaos. No? Not even a blink? Well, I guess we'll never know.
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You ever try to plan a surprise party for Agne? It's impossible! I told everyone, "Let's throw Agne a surprise birthday bash!" And you know what happened? Nothing. Agne somehow found out, probably through telepathy or a secret network of silent spies. I swear, they're like the Houdini of avoiding celebrations. I remember one time we played hide-and-seek, and Agne won without even playing. We spent hours looking for them, only to find out they were in the pantry, enjoying some snacks. I asked, "How did you stay hidden?" Agne said, "I've mastered the art of being forgettable." I didn't know whether to be impressed or offended.
Agne's invisibility even extends to group photos. You take a picture, and there's Agne, blending into the background like a chameleon. It's like they have an invisibility cloak on standby at all times.
I tried to make Agne the leader of our hide-and-seek team, thinking they'd be unbeatable. Turns out, being invisible doesn't help when you're the one seeking. Agne just stood there, waiting for someone to find them, like a game of existential hide-and-seek.
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You know, Agne's got this serene vibe that could put a yoga instructor to shame. We'll be stuck in traffic, honking horns and flipping the bird, and there's Agne, sitting in the passenger seat, calmly meditating. I asked, "How do you stay so calm in chaos?" Agne said, "I imagine I'm on a deserted island with no traffic." Agne's zen moments are like a superpower. I once saw them diffuse a heated argument by simply staring into space. It was like they unleashed the power of inner peace, and suddenly everyone was too embarrassed to keep yelling.
I thought about taking Agne to a horror movie once, thinking their zen vibes would keep me from jumping out of my seat. Turns out, Agne falls asleep during scary movies. I asked, "Aren't you afraid?" They said, "Real life is scarier than movies." Touché, Agne, touché.
I'm convinced Agne has a secret dojo where they teach the art of tranquility. Picture this: Agne, in a robe, with a sign that says "Agne's School of Zen and Napping." I'd sign up in a heartbeat.
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You ever text Agne? It's like communicating with an ancient hieroglyphic master. I'll send them a text pouring my heart out, and Agne responds with a single emoji. I once told them about a breakup, and they sent a thumbs up. A thumbs up! I thought I was sharing my emotions, not submitting a report. Agne's emoji game is on another level. They've got emojis for every situation. Bad day at work? Agne sends the facepalm emoji. Excited about something? Agne hits you with the confetti and party hat emoji. It's like they've replaced words with tiny digital symbols.
I tried to have a serious conversation once, and Agne responded with the crying-laughing emoji. I said, "This is serious!" Agne said, "Life is a comedy, my friend." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
If Agne ever wrote a self-help book, it would probably be a single page with a thumbs-up emoji at the center. And you know what? It would probably be the best-selling book of the century. Emojis speak louder than words, or so Agne would have us believe.
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