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Joke Types
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Why did the pencil go to therapy? It had too many unresolved sketchy issues, absolutely!
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts—absolutely true!
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Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing absolutely undressing!
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Why did the cookie cry? Because its mother was a wafer too long, absolutely!
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Why did the traffic light turn red? Because it saw the car absolutely dressing in green!
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Why did the scarecrow absolutely love his job? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one, absolutely!
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Why was the belt arrested? It was absolutely holding up a pair of pants!
Absolutely Overrated Self-Help Books
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I tried reading those self-help books, you know, the ones that promise to change your life. They're absolutely overrated. One book said, Unlock the secret to success in just 10 steps! I got to step three, and it was just a picture of a cat wearing a tie. I'm pretty sure the cat was laughing at me.
Absolutely Mischievous Alarm Clock
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My alarm clock is absolutely mischievous. It goes off at the same time every day, but somehow, it manages to hide in different corners of the room. It's like playing hide-and-seek with an inanimate object that's determined to ruin your day.
Absolutely Daring Toaster
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My toaster is absolutely daring. I put bread in there, and it's like, You know what this needs? A little adventure! Suddenly, my toast pops out so high, it could audition for the circus. I didn't know breakfast was a high-flying act!
Absolutely Unpredictable Weather
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Can we talk about the weather? It's absolutely unpredictable. I checked the forecast the other day, and it said, Partly cloudy with a chance of existential crisis. I didn't know whether to grab an umbrella or a therapist.
Absolutely Outrageous Dating Apps
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Dating apps are absolutely outrageous. I tried one, and it asked me to describe myself in 150 characters. I barely know who I am after my morning coffee! How am I supposed to fit my entire personality into a tweet?
Absolutely Mysterious Remote Control
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Have you ever noticed that remote controls are absolutely mysterious? I swear, I lose mine more often than I lose my keys. I think there's a remote control party happening somewhere in my house, and mine's the life of the party. Always disappearing!
Absolutely Diabolical Fridge
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My fridge is absolutely diabolical. Every time I decide to eat healthy, it plays hide-and-seek with the vegetables. I open the door, and the broccoli is behind the milk, the lettuce is doing a limbo under the cheese – it's like a veggie version of 'Where's Waldo?
Absolutely Perplexing Elevators
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Elevators are absolutely perplexing. I pressed the button, and the elevator door opened with a suspicious smile, like it knew something I didn't. I stepped in, and the elevator decided to visit every floor in the building – a tour of mediocrity.
Absolutely Confused GPS
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GPS systems, they're absolutely fantastic, right? But mine seems to have a personality disorder. The other day, it told me to turn left on Maple Street, then immediately screamed, Recalculating! I swear, my GPS is as confused as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles.
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