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Why do we say “absolutely” when someone thanks us? It's like we've just won an award for basic decency. "Hey, thanks for holding the door." "Absolutely." As if we were considering slamming it in their face a second ago.
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Why do we say “absolutely” during conference calls? It's the universal signal that we're still awake and pretending to be engaged. "Absolutely, Karen, I completely agree with your spreadsheet analysis. Riveting stuff.
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Why do we say “absolutely” when we mean “sure”? It's like we're adding a sprinkle of sophistication to our agreement. "Would you like fries with that?" "Absolutely." I mean, as if fries were ever up for negotiation!
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Absolutely is the polite way of saying, "I wasn't really listening, but I don't want to admit it." It's the conversational equivalent of nodding your head and pretending to understand quantum physics. Absolutely, professor, black holes and stuff.
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You ever notice how “absolutely” is the adult version of being forced to say "yes" to broccoli as a kid? Like, "Do you want to go to that meeting?" Absolutely. But inside, you're thinking, "Just let me stay in my blanket fort and binge-watch cartoons, please.
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Ever notice how when someone says, "Absolutely not," it's like they're slamming the door of opportunity with the force of a thousand disapproving grandmas? It's the ultimate shutdown, as if they're sealing the gates to the kingdom of Nope.
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You ever notice how “absolutely” is the polite exit strategy from a conversation you have no interest in continuing? "Well, it was great catching up, absolutely." Translation: "Let's not make this a weekly thing, okay?
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Absolutely is the diplomatic way to say, "I don't want to argue, but you're totally wrong." It's the verbal version of smiling through gritted teeth. "Absolutely, your conspiracy theory about alien pizza delivery sounds fascinating.
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Absolutely" is the verbal seasoning we sprinkle on conversations to make them taste less awkward. Like when someone tells you a story, and you have no idea what they're talking about, but you nod and go, "Absolutely. Classic mix-up with the giraffes.
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