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We all know that friend who operates on their own time zone. You set a meeting for 2:00 PM, and they stroll in at 2:45 PM like they just discovered time travel. You start questioning the laws of physics when you're waiting that long. And they always have the same excuse: "Sorry, traffic was crazy." Really? Did you hit a time warp in traffic? Is there a secret underground society of turtles on the road that slows down just for them? My friend is on turtle time, and I need to reset their clock.
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We all have that friend who's consistently missing in action. You know, you text them, call them, send carrier pigeons, and they're just nowhere to be found. It's like they're living in the Bermuda Triangle of socializing. I asked my friend the other day, "Where were you?" And they hit me with, "Oh, I was around." Around where? Narnia? Are you secretly a wizard with a cloak of invisibility? I need a GPS tracker for my friends. "Oh, looks like Sarah is currently orbiting Saturn. Cool, let me know when you swing by Earth again.
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You ever have that friend, you know the one? The friend who's always so mysteriously ambiguous about everything. You ask them what they're up to, and they're like, "Oh, just hanging out with a friend." A friend? That's it? Is it a human friend, a pet friend, an imaginary friend? I need details, people! And they're the worst at making plans. You're like, "Hey, want to grab dinner this weekend?" And they're like, "I might have plans with a friend." Might? What does that mean? Are you busy or not? It's like trying to make plans with a fortune cookie. "The future is uncertain, try again later.
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You ever have that friend who shares way too much information? They're like a walking reality show, and you didn't sign up for this level of drama. You ask them how their day was, and suddenly, you're knee-deep in their relationship problems, workplace gossip, and their cat's psychological issues. I had a friend who, when I asked how they were, went into a detailed account of their last doctor's visit. I felt like I was getting a medical degree in real-time. "Yeah, my cholesterol is high, but at least I'm acing the waiting room magazines.
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