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Joke Types
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What did the prison guard say to the clumsy inmate? 'You really need to watch your step!
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Why did the prison guard bring a ladder to work? He heard the prisoners were looking to escape through the high notes!
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Why did the prison guard become a comedian? Because he had a great sense of cell-mate!
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I asked the prison guard for a recipe. He said, 'Just follow the con-stitution!
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I asked the prison guard if he knew any magic tricks. He said, 'Watch me make this sentence disappear!
Job Security Issues
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Being a prison guard must be the only job where you're both hoping for job security and hoping to never see the same faces again. Come on, turnover rate, I need you to be as high as the electric fence!
Prison Break Excuses
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I bet the most common excuse for a prison break is, I was just trying to find the exit for the open mic night. Oh really? Well, the only stage you're performing on now is the one in the exercise yard!
When Inmates Review
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I bet being a prison guard feels a bit like being reviewed on Yelp. Two stars. The accommodations were a bit cramped, and the staff lacked a certain warmth. Would not recommend unless you're into concrete walls and barbed wire décor.
The Inmate Fashion Show
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I heard they're launching a new reality show in prisons. It's like a fashion show, but instead of models, it's inmates showcasing the latest in orange jumpsuit chic. Orange is the new black, and stripes are the new stripes!
Prison Yoga Class
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They've started offering yoga classes in prison. Yeah, because nothing says rehabilitation like a downward dog next to a guy who's in for tax evasion. Breathe in the freedom, exhale the regret!
Guarding the Ungrateful
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Imagine being a prison guard and not even getting a thank you when you open the cell door. Oh, you're releasing me? About time! Well, excuse me for not bringing balloons and a marching band to celebrate your grand exit from solitary confinement.
The Prison Guard Chronicles
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You know, being a prison guard is a tough job. It's like being a bouncer, but instead of checking IDs, you're checking rap sheets. Oh, you've got a history of grand theft auto? Congratulations, welcome to cell block C, where your ride has been permanently impounded!
Lockdown Lingo
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Prison guards must be fluent in a language I like to call Lockdown Lingo. It's like Pig Latin, but with more tattoos and a slightly higher chance of a shiv being involved. Hey officer, you speak lockdown? No? Well, good luck with that crossword puzzle!
Inmate IQ Tests
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I heard they're introducing IQ tests for inmates now. I mean, talk about an awkward conversation starter. Hey buddy, what's your IQ? Well, let's just say, I'm not the one handing out the tests!
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