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Ever think about the awkward family dinners a prison guard must have? "So, honey, how was your day?" "Oh, you know, the usual. Stopped a prison break, confiscated a homemade knife, and made a new friend named 'Tiny.'
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It must be weird for a prison guard to hear someone say, "I feel trapped," and think, "Well, you have no idea.
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You ever notice how prison guards have the most secure jobs? I mean, they're literally paid to ensure no one escapes. Meanwhile, I can't even keep my socks from disappearing in the laundry.
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I bet prison guards have the best poker faces. I mean, they've probably seen inmates try every trick in the book. "Sir, I'm pretty sure that's not really your grandmother on the phone asking for bail money.
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Have you ever thought about how prison guards must be the best listeners? Not because they want to, but because they have to. "Yes, Dave, I understand you don't like your cellmate's snoring. Now, can you please stop trying to bribe me with homemade cookies?
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I bet prison guards are the kings and queens of dad jokes. Imagine them at a BBQ: "Hey, want to hear a construction joke?" "Sure." "Sorry, I'm still working on it.
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I wonder if prison guards ever get tired of saying, "I've got my eye on you." I mean, after a while, it must lose its dramatic effect, especially when they're just talking to their kids about finishing their homework.
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I bet being a prison guard is like living in a real-life game of chess. Every move has consequences, and you're always trying to stay three steps ahead. "If I move my knight to block the hallway, will the rook (or, in this case, the rookie) try to outsmart me?
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You know you've been around prison guards too long when you start instinctively counting your friends before leaving a room. "One, two, three... okay, we're all here!
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