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Dating apps have this predictive feature now. They claim they can predict your perfect match. Well, I tried it, and let me tell you, my phone needs relationship counseling. I entered my interests: "movies, hiking, and pizza." It suggested I should date someone who loves "skydiving, deep-sea diving, and kale smoothies." Really? I just want someone who won't judge me for binge-watching Netflix and occasionally burning frozen pizza.
And then, during the chat, it predicted my responses. I typed "How are you?" and it suggested "Tell me your deepest fears." I'm just trying to start a conversation, not conduct a therapy session!
So, thanks, predictive dating, for making my love life as confusing as a choose-your-own-adventure book. Swipe left, swipe right, or just give up and adopt a cat.
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I started wondering if we could predict the future using these technologies. I asked my phone, "What's my future like?" It said, "You will meet a mysterious stranger and embark on a grand adventure." Well, that sounds exciting! But then I realized it's probably just predicting my next Uber ride. Mysterious stranger? Check. Grand adventure? Well, that depends on traffic.
And then it told me, "You will achieve great success." I got excited, thinking I might become a millionaire. But when I asked how, it suggested, "Invest in cat memes." Well, I guess I'm going to be the crazy cat meme millionaire. Move over, Elon Musk.
So, the future is looking predictably unpredictable, thanks to my phone's crystal ball. Who needs a fortune teller when you have a smartphone with a sense of humor?
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You know, I recently got a new smartphone, and it's got this predictive text feature. It's like having a psychic keyboard. But you know what? My phone is not that great at predicting things. I mean, I started typing "I love" and it suggested "spending time with family." Really? I was going for "pizza." I mean, I do love my family, but sometimes I just want a slice, not a group hug!
And then there's autocorrect. I was texting my friend about a "crazy party," and it autocorrected to "crazy parrot." Now, that would be a party I'd love to attend! Just imagine a parrot going wild on the dance floor, squawking to the beat.
So, thanks, predictive text, for turning my texts into a game of deciphering hidden messages. I feel like I'm in a secret agent movie, trying to crack the code of what I really meant to say.
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I tried using a predictive text app for cooking. You know, you input the ingredients you have, and it suggests recipes. Sounds like a great idea, right? Well, let me tell you, it's a recipe for disaster. I put in "chicken, tomatoes, and garlic," and it suggested "chocolate ice cream surprise." I mean, that's a surprise, all right! A surprise for my taste buds, and not in a good way.
And then, it told me to "bake at 450 degrees for 3 hours." I'm not trying to turn my kitchen into a sauna or cremate my dinner! I just want a simple meal, not a culinary experiment gone wrong.
So, next time I'll stick to the old-fashioned way of cooking. At least I won't end up with chicken-flavored ice cream. That's a flavor Ben and Jerry haven't discovered yet.
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