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Joke Types
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I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and post videos online. Ears were too old-fashioned.
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Why did the smartphone apply for a job? It wanted to be more 'app'-ealing.
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Why did the document apply for a job? It wanted to get more 'file'-d experience.
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I accidentally sent a heart emoji to my boss. Now I have a 'lovely' meeting scheduled.
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Why did the Instagram influencer become a gardener? Because they wanted to 'grow' their followers.
The Job Posting
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So, I was scrolling through job postings the other day, you know, trying to find a career that matches my unique skill set: expert napper and world-class procrastinator. Found one that said, Looking for someone with strong leadership skills. I thought, well, if leading a Netflix marathon was a job, I'd be the CEO by now.
Team Building Exercises or Social Torture?
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My office decided we needed some team-building exercises. They said it would strengthen our bonds. So, we went to an escape room. Nothing says team spirit like panicking together while locked in a small, dimly lit room. I'm not sure if we bonded, but I did learn Gary can pick locks.
The Coffee Maker Conspiracy
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Our office got a fancy new coffee maker with a touchscreen. It's so high-tech; I think it's plotting against us. I approached it the other day, and it displayed, Unauthorized user. I thought, Okay, coffee maker, calm down. I just want a latte, not state secrets.
Email Chains, the Modern-Day Odyssey
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Have you ever been stuck in a never-ending email chain? It's like the Odyssey, but instead of a heroic journey, it's just trying to organize a potluck lunch. Reply all if you're bringing chips. Do not reply all to say you don't like chips.
Resume vs. Reality
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I recently updated my resume, and let me tell you, it's a work of fiction. My resume says I'm fluent in Spanish, but the reality is I can barely order a burrito without embarrassing myself.
Office Snack Drawer, the Real MVP
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The office snack drawer is my favorite colleague. It's there for me when I need a pick-me-up or a distraction from actual work. I'm pretty sure I've had more conversations with that drawer than with my boss. Yeah, I'm thinking of going on a diet.
Dress for Success or Dress for a Nap?
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They say dress for success, but I'm convinced success is just a well-dressed nap. I mean, have you ever tried power napping in a suit? It's like a business meeting with your dreams.
LinkedIn, the Dating App for Jobs
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You ever notice how LinkedIn is like a dating app for jobs? I mean, they even have the endorsements section. Oh, you're good at public speaking? Well, can you speak publicly about why you're still single?
Job Interviews, the Ultimate Acting Audition
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Job interviews are basically auditions, right? I go in there, smile like I just won the lottery, and pretend I've never had a conflict with a printer before. Oh, paper jams? I love them! Keeps me on my toes.
Cover Letters, the Art of Creative Writing
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Writing a cover letter is like crafting a love letter to a company. Dear Hiring Manager, I've admired you from afar, and I think we'd make a perfect match. I promise to be loyal, hardworking, and occasionally bring in donuts on Fridays.
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