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I love how people on social media post these deep and philosophical quotes like they're the modern-day philosophers. I tried it once, posted "Life is like a box of chocolates," and someone commented, "Did you just quote Forrest Gump?" Yeah, I'm the Forrest Gump of Instagram, running through life one meme at a time.
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I posted a picture of my dinner the other day, and someone asked for the recipe. Recipe? It's called "Ordering Takeout." Step 1: Pick up the phone. Step 2: Wait. Step 3: Feast like a king without lifting a finger.
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I posted a joke on Twitter, and someone replied, "I don't get it." Well, welcome to the club! It's called my sense of humor. It's an exclusive membership with very few laughs.
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You ever notice how posting something on social media is like sending a message in a bottle? You throw it out there, hoping someone will find it and give it a like, but most of the time, it just ends up lost in the vast sea of cat videos and food pics.
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You know you're getting old when your idea of a status update is "Just had a really good nap." Forget the party life; I'm living on the edge of the couch, people!
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Why do people post their workout routines on social media? Like, congratulations, you did 100 push-ups. I did one today—pushing the snooze button. We all have our achievements.
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Have you ever scrolled through your own profile late at night and thought, "Wow, I used to be so much fun"? Now, it's just a series of screenshots of recipes I'll never cook and gym check-ins that are more of a wishful thinking exercise than an actual workout.
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Ever notice how everyone becomes a photographer when they're on vacation? Suddenly, your aunt with shaky hands is Ansel Adams, capturing the majestic beauty of her hotel room. It's like, "Hold on, let me get the perfect angle of this mini-fridge.
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You know you're an adult when your idea of a wild Friday night is staying up past 10 PM and posting about it on Facebook. "Just broke my bedtime record! #PartyAnimal
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