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You ever notice how the etiquette has changed with the whole plague situation? Suddenly, it's not polite to shake hands. I mean, I get it, but what if I want to go old-school and bring back the fist bump? Or better yet, the elbow bump? We've all become a bunch of germaphobe ninjas, dodging handshakes like they're poisonous snakes. And don't even get me started on masks. I feel like a bandit every time I walk into a store. It's like, "Give me all the toilet paper, and nobody gets hurt!" And then there's the awkwardness of trying to recognize people. "Is that my friend or a random bank robber? I can't tell."
But hey, at least with masks, I can finally fulfill my dream of becoming a secret agent. I walk around like I'm on a top-secret mission to buy groceries. Cue the spy music as I grab a cart and navigate the aisles, all while maintaining a safe distance from other undercover agents.
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So, I've been binge-watching these apocalyptic shows lately. You know, the ones where a deadly virus sweeps the globe, and humanity is on the brink of extinction. And I can't help but think, did the writers predict the future, or did they just have a really messed-up sense of humor? I was watching one show, and they were like, "In a world where a deadly plague has wiped out most of humanity…" And I'm sitting there thinking, "Is this a documentary or a drama?" I mean, I just wanted to be entertained, not mentally preparing for doomsday.
And have you noticed how in these shows, the survivors always find the weirdest things to celebrate? Like, "Yay, we found a can of peaches! Let's throw a party!" If I were in an apocalypse, my celebration standards would be a bit higher. "Oh look, a WiFi signal! Let's throw a rager!"
But seriously, I hope if there's ever a plague, it comes with better entertainment options. I don't want to be stuck watching reruns of an apocalypse. Give me something new, like "The Real Housewives of the Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland." I'd watch that.
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So, during the plague, we've all become fitness enthusiasts, right? I mean, we've mastered the art of home workouts. But let's be real, working out at home is a whole different experience. There's no judgment-free zone; it's more like a judgment-filled zone. My cat gives me this look like, "What are you doing, and why does it look so ridiculous?" And then there's the struggle of finding the right workout video. They all promise to make you sweat like never before. But after five minutes, I'm just sweating because I can't keep up with the instructor. "Jump, squat, lunge, repeat!" More like "Wheeze, stumble, collapse, snack break!"
But hey, I've discovered the ultimate workout routine – dodging people on the sidewalk. It's like a real-life game of Frogger. You've got joggers coming at you, pedestrians oblivious to personal space, and the occasional dog walker with a leash that's practically a tripwire. It's the cardio I never knew I needed.
So there you have it, the plague fitness regimen. Who needs a gym when you've got the great outdoors and the constant fear of human contact?
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Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about something we all love: plagues. Yeah, I know, right? Nothing like a good old infectious disease to bring people together. I was thinking, why don't we have plague-themed parties? You know, instead of passing around hors d'oeuvres, we pass around hand sanitizer and hazmat suits. It's like a costume party, but with a twist. You might catch more than just a glimpse of someone's outfit! And let's not forget the fashion statement plagues make. I mean, those medieval plague doctors really knew how to accessorize. Beaks long enough to maintain social distancing, robes that say, "I'm mysterious, but also deadly." It's like they were the original influencers, setting trends that would last centuries. I can imagine the runway now – Paris Fashion Week: Black Death Edition.
Now, some people might say, "Isn't joking about plagues a bit dark?" But hey, laughter is the best medicine, right? Unless you have the plague, in which case, antibiotics might be a better option.
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