10 Jokes For Plague

Observational Jokes

Updated on: Feb 06 2025

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I've become a hand sanitizer connoisseur. You know you're living in strange times when you're comparing the subtle notes of aloe vera and the undertones of isopropyl alcohol in different brands.
I've been practicing my social distancing skills for years, but apparently, I've been doing it wrong. Turns out, it's not just about avoiding people; it's also about keeping a safe distance from your own questionable cooking experiments.
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the days when the biggest threat to my well-being was hitting my pinky toe on the coffee table. Now I'm out here dodging invisible enemies like I'm in some dystopian video game.
I was at the grocery store the other day, and I saw a guy wearing a hazmat suit. I thought, "Either he's really paranoid about germs, or he's auditioning for the lead role in the next pandemic blockbuster movie.
The other day, I was trying to remember where I put my face mask. I spent a good 10 minutes searching for it, only to realize I was already wearing it. That's when you know you've reached the advanced level of pandemic living.
You ever notice how during a pandemic, all of a sudden, everyone becomes a mathematician? People are calculating the exact 6 feet of distance like they're solving a quadratic equation. I feel like I need a protractor just to buy groceries.
I've realized that my favorite hobby is now browsing the internet for conspiracy theories about household items. I mean, who knew that the innocent toaster might be plotting against us all along?
You know, with all the talk about plagues and viruses these days, I've realized that my kitchen sponge might be the original carrier of a deadly civilization-ending disease. I mean, I've had that thing longer than some relationships!
I've started to miss the days when the only thing contagious in the office was gossip. Now it's like, "Hey, did you hear about Karen? Yeah, she's got a case of the Mondays and a touch of the COVID.
With all this handwashing and sanitizing, my hands have become so dry that I'm pretty sure I could start my own fire just by clapping. Watch out, world, I've got the power of friction in the palm of my hands!

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