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You ever notice how physicists talk about parallel universes like it's NBD (no big deal)? They're like, "Yeah, there's a universe where you're a rock star, and one where you're a potato farmer." I'm thinking, "Great, in some alternate reality, I can't even be a sweet potato farmer?!" I tried applying this idea to my everyday life. Like, when I lose my keys, instead of searching frantically, I just think, "In another universe, I've already found them." Doesn't help me find them here, though. And don't get me started on the universe where my cat is the responsible one handing me my keys every morning.
I asked a physicist, "If there are infinite universes, is there one where I understand my taxes?" They said, "No, that's just wishful thinking in every universe." Tough crowd, these physicists.
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I was reading about Einstein the other day, and apparently, he had some failed pickup lines. Can you imagine Einstein at a bar, trying to hit on someone? He'd be like, "Excuse me, miss, are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te." Smooth, Albert, real smooth. And then he'd try a more scientific approach: "If you were a black hole, I'd willingly get sucked into your gravitational field." Dude, I just wanted to order a drink, not get pulled into a romantic singularity.
I can't help but wonder if his theories of relativity influenced his dating life. He probably thought, "Why date one person when you can date them all simultaneously in different timelines?
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Hey, everybody! So, the other day, a physicist walks into a bar, and I'm thinking, "Okay, this is either the setup to a nerdy joke or the beginning of a really confusing evening." Turns out, it was both! The physicist starts explaining quantum mechanics to me, and I'm just nodding my head like I get it. I mean, who doesn't love a good chat about particles being in two places at once? I tried applying that logic to my socks, but one always seems to disappear into a black hole called the laundry.
I asked the physicist if they could simplify it, you know, break it down for us regular folks. They said, "Imagine you're at a bar, and you can simultaneously be both drunk and sober until someone observes you taking that last shot." Well, that explains a lot of blurry nights out!
Seems like physicists have a different kind of uncertainty principle: whether the night will end with clarity or a quantum hangover.
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So, physicists talk a lot about dark matter and dark energy, right? They say it makes up most of the universe. I'm thinking, "Is the universe going through an emo phase?" Like, "Sorry, can't see you, I'm in my dark energy mood today." And then they say it's invisible and doesn't interact with light. I'm like, "Great, we've got cosmic introverts out there. The universe is basically one big dark room, and we're all just fumbling around looking for the cosmic light switch."
I asked a physicist, "If dark matter is everywhere, is it in my refrigerator too?" They said, "No, that's just expired leftovers." Well, at least now I know dark matter won't give me food poisoning.
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