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Voicemails are like the Bermuda Triangle of communication. Messages go in, but do they ever come out? I get a voicemail notification, and I'm immediately suspicious. "Who left me a voicemail? Is this a distress call from a stranded telemarketer?" And why do voicemails sound like they're recorded on ancient artifacts? It's like, "Hey, it's me from the past. I'm leaving you this message on a potato. Decode it if you can." I half-expect a voicemail from Alexander Graham Bell, saying, "Mr. Watson, come here. I need you to delete my browser history.
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Ever experience those phantom vibrations? You think your phone is ringing, but when you check, there's nothing. Your phone is just playing mind games with you. It's the ultimate "gotcha" moment. I'm walking around like, "Is that a call or just a figment of my overactive imagination? Am I getting a call from the ghost of missed opportunities?" I've started treating my phone like a Magic 8-Ball. If I feel a phantom vibration, I shake it and ask, "Will I win the lottery?" The answer is always, "Outlook not so good." Thanks, phone, for keeping my expectations in check.
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You ever get those mysterious phone calls where no one says anything? It's like a secret agent is trying to reach you but forgot the secret password. I'm sitting there like, "Hello? Is this the International Spy Hotline? No? Just heavy breathing? Okay, wrong number." And don't you love it when you answer the phone, and it's just silence? You start questioning your existence. "Did I turn invisible, or is this the Matrix glitching again? Maybe I've entered a parallel universe where people communicate telepathically."
I tried to outsmart the silence once. I shouted, "I know you're there! I can hear your silence!" But no response. I felt like I was in a standoff with a ninja – except a really bad ninja who forgot to turn off his heavy breathing feature.
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You ever scroll through your contacts and see a name you don't remember saving? It's like your phone is haunted. "Who the heck is Spooky Steve? Did I make friends with a ghost last night?" I swear, sometimes my phone has a mind of its own. It's like, "You need some mystery in your life, buddy. Let me add a contact for you – someone you met in a dream five years ago."
And why do they always have bizarre emojis next to their names? Spooky Steve has a ghost emoji, of course. I half expect him to send me a message like, "Hey, want to hang out at the haunted house tonight?" I'd be like, "Nah, Steve, I've got plans with Casper.
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