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Have you ever tried making plans with a PhD student? It's like trying to schedule a meeting with the president. You suggest hanging out on a Friday night, and they hit you with, "Sorry, I'm booked until 2025. Maybe we can pencil in a coffee date in the margins of my calendar." Their social life is like a statistical anomaly – you need advanced mathematical models just to predict the next time you'll see them at a party. And when you finally do, they're like a mythical creature emerging from their academic cave, squinting at the sunlight like it's a foreign concept.
But hey, let's give them credit. They're not antisocial; they're just conducting field research on the effects of isolation on the human psyche.
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PhD students and coffee – it's like an unbreakable bond. They don't drink coffee; they inhale it. Espresso, Americano, cappuccino – it's like they're preparing for a barista Olympics. They've got their coffee preferences down to a science. You offer them a regular cup of joe, and they look at you like you just insulted their dissertation. "I only drink organic, fair-trade, shade-grown, hand-picked coffee beans harvested during a full moon by ethically treated farm llamas."
And don't even think about suggesting decaf. It's like telling them to do their research in the dark ages. "Decaf? Do I look like I want to submit subpar literature to the academic community?
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You ever meet those PhD students? They're like the procrastination champions of the academic world. I mean, they have a PhD in putting things off. You ask them about their thesis, and they're like, "Oh, I'm still working on the abstract. It's been three years, but abstracts are tricky, you know?" And don't get me started on their study habits. They can spend an entire day arguing about the best font for their research paper. Times New Roman or Arial? It's like they're trying to solve the real mysteries of the universe.
But hey, I get it. When you're dealing with a subject that only three people on the planet understand, procrastination becomes a survival skill. They're not lazy; they're just conducting experiments on the limits of human stress tolerance.
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PhD students have their own language. It's like they took English, put it in a blender with some Latin, and then threw in a dash of hieroglyphics for good measure. You try reading their papers, and it's like decoding the Da Vinci Code. They use words that I'm pretty sure they make up on the spot. You ask them a simple question, and suddenly you're in the middle of a linguistic obstacle course. "Well, you see, the epistemological ramifications of the ontological paradigms within the contextual framework of my research suggest that..."
I'm sitting there nodding my head like I understand, but in my mind, I'm just picturing them playing Scrabble with a thesaurus.
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