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I was rewatching Spider-Man, and I couldn't help but notice that Peter Parker manages to change into his Spidey suit in a matter of seconds. I can't even put on skinny jeans that fast. By the time I'm halfway through, I'm already questioning my life choices.
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Ever notice how Peter Parker is this genius scientist, but he's always struggling financially? I mean, the guy invented web-shooters, but can't figure out a budget. Maybe he needs a financial advisor more than a superhero costume.
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Have you ever thought about how Spider-Man must have a killer skincare routine? I mean, swinging through the city all day, facing villains, and his skin still looks flawless. Forget about the radioactive spider bite; I want the secret to his complexion.
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I was thinking about Spider-Man's suit – high-tech, durable, and fashionable. Meanwhile, my jeans get a hole in them, and suddenly I'm on a first-name basis with the tailor down the street. Maybe I should start fighting crime in ripped jeans – fashion-forward and functional.
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I envy Peter Parker's ability to stick to walls. I can't even get my post-it notes to stay on my monitor for more than a day. Maybe I need to be bitten by a radioactive office supply.
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You ever notice that Peter Parker's love life is more tangled than his web? I mean, he's got Mary Jane, Gwen Stacy, Black Cat – it's like a superhero soap opera. Meanwhile, my dating life is more like a one-act play with no intermission.
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You know, I was thinking about superheroes the other day, and it hit me – Peter Parker, the guy who becomes Spider-Man. Now, he's got this amazing spidey sense that warns him of danger. I wish I had that sense when I'm about to step on a Lego in the dark. "Danger! Danger! Incoming pain!
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You ever realize that Peter Parker is the ultimate multitasker? I mean, he swings through the city, fights crime, and takes amazing photos for the Daily Bugle. Meanwhile, I struggle to text and walk without bumping into things.
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It's funny how Peter Parker manages to have the perfect hairstyle, even after swinging between skyscrapers. Meanwhile, I step out on a mildly windy day, and suddenly I'm having a bad hair day. Maybe I need to invest in some web-shooting hairspray.
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So, Peter Parker is a photographer, right? Taking pictures of Spider-Man in action. I tried taking a selfie once, and it took me about 20 tries to get one decent shot. Peter's out there capturing dynamic superhero poses effortlessly. I can't even get a good angle for my lunch pics.
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