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Why did the pastor bring a mirror to Pastor Appreciation Day? Because he wanted to reflect on his years of service – literally!
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What do you call a pastor who can juggle on Pastor Appreciation Day? A shepherd of many talents!
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Why did the pastor bring a pencil to Pastor Appreciation Day? Because he wanted to draw people closer to God!
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On Pastor Appreciation Day, my pastor told me he wanted to be a baker. I asked why. He said, 'I want to help people 'rise' on Sundays!
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Why did the pastor become a comedian on Pastor Appreciation Day? Because he wanted to deliver 'heavenly' punchlines!
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Why did the pastor start a band on Pastor Appreciation Day? Because he wanted to 'preach' to a different kind of audience!
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Why did the pastor bring a ladder to church on Pastor Appreciation Day? Because he wanted to take his ministry to the next level!
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Why did the pastor become a gardener on Pastor Appreciation Day? Because he wanted to 'grow' his congregation!
Confessions in the Social Media Age
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Nowadays, instead of confessing our sins in private, it feels like we're confessing on social media. I mean, last week, I saw someone post, Forgive me, Father, for I have unfollowed. I guess social media is the new church confession booth.
Communion or Snack Time?
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I went to a church where they started serving snacks during communion. I'm not kidding, they had little cups of grape juice and a side of crackers. I felt like I was in a divine snack attack. Can we get a cheese platter next time?
Holy Ghost Writer
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I heard there's a ghost writer for pastors who help them with their sermons. I'm thinking, Man, if I had a ghost writer, I'd ask for a punchline once in a while. Turn those 'Amens' into 'LOLs,' you know?
The 'Hallelujah' Workout
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Church can be a workout, especially when they start singing 'Hallelujah' for an extended period. I'm thinking, if heaven's choir practices are this long, I need to start doing vocal warm-ups before Sunday service.
Hymns vs. Hit Songs
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You ever notice how some hymns sound suspiciously similar to popular songs? I was at church the other day, and I thought they were about to break into Bohemian Rhapsody. I'm just waiting for the day we have a gospel remix of 'Despacito.
The Holy Wi-Fi Connection
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Pastor was preaching about the power of connection. He said, Just like our connection with God, it's strong and unbreakable. I'm thinking, Pastor, have you tried streaming Netflix on church Wi-Fi? It's more like a dial-up prayer sometimes.
Amen or Ouch?
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Ever notice how in church, when the pastor says something really profound, half the congregation goes, Amen! and the other half goes, Ouch! It's like divine applause mixed with a bit of holy self-reflection.
Holy Water vs. Regular Water
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So, they have this thing called holy water. I'm thinking, is there an unholy water option? Like, do they have holy water for blessings and just regular tap water for sprinkling on sinners?
Miracle of the Potluck
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Church potlucks are like a spiritual buffet. I went to one where the food was so good; I thought it was a divine miracle. I asked for the recipe, and they said, It's in the book of Esther, chapter lasagna.
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