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I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough. Now I'm a banker because I need the dough!
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I asked the map if it had any secrets. It replied, 'I'm not keeping anything from you; it's all on the surface!
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Why did the positive and negative numbers break up? They had too many issues!
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I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough. Now I'm a banker because I need the dough!
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Why don't opposites ever fight? Because they always see eye to eye on everything!
Opposite New Year's Resolutions
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New Year, new me? Nah, I decided to make opposite resolutions this year. Instead of hitting the gym, I'm embracing my inner couch potato. Netflix, here I come!
The Opposite Dilemma
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You ever notice how life's just one big game of opposites? I mean, my paycheck and my bills are definitely playing hide and seek. And guess who's losing? Spoiler alert: it's not the bills.
Opposite World Problems
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I tried living in a world where everything is the opposite. Turns out, in Opposite World, 'early to bed, early to rise' means 'late to bed, early to work.' I've never been more productive in my sleep!
Opposite Fitness Goals
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I decided to get in shape, you know, work on my beach body. But it turns out, the opposite of a six-pack is a party keg. So now I'm the life of the party, just not at the beach.
Opposite Weather Predictions
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Weather forecasts are the only job where you can be wrong 90% of the time and still have a career. If I applied that 'opposite' logic to my job, I'd be the Employee of the Year!
Opposite Parenting Tactics
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I tried the whole 'opposite' parenting approach with my kids. I told them, The more veggies you eat, the fewer desserts you get. Now my fridge is full of untouched broccoli, and my pantry is a dessert wonderland. Parenting win or fail? I'm not sure.
Opposite Driving Skills
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I got pulled over for speeding, and the cop asked, Do you know how fast you were going? I said, I was trying to do the opposite of going slow. Turns out, that's not a valid excuse. Who knew?
Opposite Day Job
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I told my boss I'm a big fan of multitasking, so he gave me a job where doing the opposite of what I'm supposed to is considered multitasking. Now I'm a professional procrastinator. I'm so good at it; I should put it on my resume.
Opposite Social Media Fame
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I tried the whole 'opposite' approach to social media fame. Instead of posting every detail of my life, I started a page dedicated to my most boring moments. It turns out there's a niche for people who want to watch paint dry. I'm practically an influencer now!
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