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I asked my doctor about open heart surgery, and he said it's like fixing a car engine. I'm just picturing a mechanic with a toolbox going, "Yep, your heart was making a weird clunking noise, but I tightened a few valves, and you should be good to go.
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You ever notice how open heart surgery sounds like the most invasive job interview ever? Like, "We'll need to see how well your heart handles stress. Can you work well under pressure? And, oh, by the way, casual Fridays are strictly forbidden in your arteries.
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The first time I heard about open heart surgery, I thought it was a card game or something. "Oh, you're having open heart surgery? Can I join? Is it like Uno, but with more defibrillators?
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Surgeons performing open heart surgery must be the only professionals who can say, "I have your heart in my hands" and not get slapped with a restraining order. Talk about job perks.
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You know you're an adult when you start comparing medical procedures like trading cards. "Oh, you had your appendix removed? Well, I had open heart surgery – beat that!" It's like a weird game of one-upmanship in the world of health.
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You know you're getting old when your friends start discussing their cholesterol levels at brunch. It's like a competition of who has the highest number. I'm waiting for someone to chime in and say, "Well, my cholesterol is so high, they offered me a VIP lounge at the cardiac ward.
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So, they say laughter is the best medicine, but have you ever tried telling a joke to someone fresh out of open heart surgery? It's like trying to make a balloon animal at a funeral – awkward and inappropriate.
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You ever notice how open heart surgery is the only time it's acceptable to tell someone, "You've got a big heart"? I mean, not in the romantic sense, but literally, someone is complimenting the size of your organ. That's a first.
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Open heart surgery is like the ultimate trust fall. I can barely trust my friends to catch me when I fall backward, and now we're expecting a team of surgeons to do it while I'm unconscious on an operating table. Good luck, doc!
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They say open heart surgery is serious business, but have you seen the outfits those surgeons wear? Scrubs with colorful patterns and cartoon characters. I mean, is this a medical procedure or a fashion show? I'm just waiting for them to pull out a stethoscope with glitter and sparkles.
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