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Ever been in a conversation where someone uses the word "once" to start a sentence, and you know a story is coming that's longer than a Lord of the Rings movie? I've mentally packed a lunch for some of those tales.
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Have you ever been so determined to fix a typo in a text that you end up rewriting the entire message? I mean, I just wanted to change "duck" to "luck" but, once I started, it turned into a literary masterpiece.
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You know you're getting older when you start making noises getting out of bed that you've only heard once before – in horror movies. I'm like my own personal soundtrack of creaks and groans.
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I bought a plant once, thinking it would bring some nature into my home. Now it just sits there, judging me like, "You watered me once this month. Are you trying to turn your place into a desert?
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Trying to assemble IKEA furniture is a lot like attempting brain surgery when you've only seen it done once on TV. I follow the instructions as if deciphering an ancient map, and in the end, my bookshelf looks like an abstract sculpture of confusion.
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You ever notice how "once" is the only word you can say over and over, and it sounds like a weird medieval battle cry? "Once! Once! Once!" I tried it at a party, and people thought I was summoning a minstrel or something.
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You ever look at your old high school yearbook picture and think, "Once upon a time, I had a neck"? Yeah, those were the days before smartphones when we all had actual postures.
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How about that moment when you try to impress someone by cooking, and you're like, "I'll just use this exotic spice I bought once." Turns out, paprika is not a substitute for every other spice in the recipe.
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Has anyone else noticed that the hardest part of a fitness journey is not the exercise itself, but the once-in-a-lifetime decision to buy kale? I swear it's like adopting a vegetable pet that you have to take for a walk in your salad.
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